Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My Actions are Justified

Thanks ladies for all the wonderful comments and words of support. I seriously felt all you hugs! I did get my hug, though it was mixed with sleep breath and mumbles.

I spoke to a dear friend tonight who also lost two precious babies who gave me some great advice. She said, "Marie, your actions are justified". She is right! Even if I decided to throw a fit, my actions are justified! I lost two babies! TWO! Losses like these are imaginable, and some people are barely able to breathe, let alone go to work! I can do whatever the hell I want! If someone does not like it - stuff it!

Bluebird left a comment about only being able to hang up her babies feet and hands. Though her words were telling me her heart, she made me realize that we all react differently. We go through the same thing, but how we react is different (thanks Bluebird!). For many women, looking at the babies hurts to the core, but for some, their feet, hands, or even faces bring comfort. Looking at my babies reminds me how beautiful they are and just how perfect God made them. My friend also said she talks about her children as if they were here. Not because they are not here does not mean that they should not be spoken of (thanks Tonya!) I am going to always talk about my babies - if they don't like it, again - stuff it!

I know going to a counselor can be a therapeutic thing - and I never want to minimize that. However, I equate going to a counselor as needing to go to a counselor. I admire those who go, as it takes courage to sit there and bare your heart to someone and put your trust in them. I have always resisted the thought of going to one because I don't think I need one. That being said, with all the pressure that I have been getting, I have decided to get a "risk assessment" done to see if a counselor would benefit me. The school board provides Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) for teachers. A risk assessment is done first, and then the employee is matched up with the appropriate help if needed. Maybe this will shut people up if my rick is low, or who knows? I might discover something that I am not seeing. I prefer getting "advice" from people who have been in my shoes (namely all of you) than "self-proclaimed" psychiatrists.
My appointment is Friday so, I will keep you all posted.

No news on the insurance front. It is 4 weeks tomorrow until my TAC. I will be calling again tomorrow to see if D did her part, she was out today. Hopefully she did, because if she didn't, I am going to let her know how displeased I am.

Holly sent me some beautiful pictures that came at a time when I needed them the most. I remarked to her, how strangers (not that you are strangers to me) can love and cherish my babies, and those around me in real life, can't even do that. Thanks Holy! You guys are really the best. What would I do without all of you? Keep me in your prayers.

Where is my expected end?


  1. Marie, you are right. I am glad you are going to keep talking about your babies and keep their pictures up. It sounds like you got some help! =) I am so happy for you! I hope you continue to find the support you need whether it be here on the blog, friends, a counselor or whatever it may be. I am here for you. Lots and lots of HUGS!

  2. Marie, you definately need to do what is best for you. If that means pictures, talking about the babies. we are all here to listen *hugs*

    I am praying for you that the TAC gets approved. *more hugs*

  3. Marie, I am so proud of u that u refuse to let others hold u back from keeping ur precious babies memories alive! U, Alyssa Joy and Evan were in my heart,thoughts, and prayers on 10/15/09 when I went to a rememberance service at the hospital where my daughter died. I am so shocked at how people think they can tell u how to grieve and heal over losing ur children. What ever happened to just giving a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen with? One thing I learned from having endured peoples insensitive comments is that by them saying things like "u need to get over it" and "don't worry u'll have more children in the future" it's like they are de-valuing the lives of our babies, like just because they weren't full term that their lives have less value than others, also it's like they are saying that our babies can be replaced, that having more children is supposed to make losing our other children better. There is nothing wrong with u sweetheart, there is something wrong with the people that hold u back from grieving over ur children and loving/honoring/remembering them the way that they deserve to be honored. I was convinced by my employer to utilize the EAP assistance here, I was definitely hesistant at first and I only went three times(my limit for free sessions), I didn't know what to expect, but it ended up being comforting because the therapist heard me out, I thought for sure she was going to tell me that I was crazy and that I needed some serious help. But instead she told me that my grief was completely understandable and normal and to not let people tell me how or when I should get over it. So basically she made me secure in what I was feeling. U are not alone, I get ridiculous comments from well intentioned people that want to help, but would be better help if they just kept their mouth shut unless they have been thru it themselves. I'm so sorry for the extra burden u have on ur shoulders from the drama people are bringing to u, as if u don't already have enough to deal with! My heart goes out to u, and u continue to be in my prayers....

  4. You have incredible insight for being in the midst of such a mess :)

    I also totally understand what you said about prefering to get your "advice" from people who have actually somewhat been in your shoes. Sometimes I feel that others don't have a "right" to a say (too strong a word, but you know what I mean).

    Whatever comes of the risk assessment, I wish you peace. I'm so sorry the words and actions of others are keeping you from it.

  5. I definitely agree with your friend. I think the risk assessment is a good thing to do. I've never felt I needed one either. Blogging is my therapy! :)

    And you're welcome. I'm so glad they came at the right time.

  6. AMEN. You are justified and are grieving and living as an orphaned parent with dignity and grace, and enormous love for Alyssa-Joy and Evan.