Thanks ladies for all the wonderful comments and words of support. I seriously felt all you hugs! I did get my hug, though it was mixed with sleep breath and mumbles.
I spoke to a dear friend tonight who also lost two precious babies who gave me some great advice. She said, "Marie, your actions are justified". She is right! Even if I decided to throw a fit, my actions are justified! I lost two babies! TWO! Losses like these are imaginable, and some people are barely able to breathe, let alone go to work! I can do whatever the hell I want! If someone does not like it - stuff it!
Bluebird left a comment about only being able to hang up her babies feet and hands. Though her words were telling me her heart, she made me realize that we all react differently. We go through the same thing, but how we react is different (thanks Bluebird!). For many women, looking at the babies hurts to the core, but for some, their feet, hands, or even faces bring comfort. Looking at my babies reminds me how beautiful they are and just how perfect God made them. My friend also said she talks about her children as if they were here. Not because they are not here does not mean that they should not be spoken of (thanks Tonya!) I am going to always talk about my babies - if they don't like it, again - stuff it!
I know going to a counselor can be a therapeutic thing - and I never want to minimize that. However, I equate going to a counselor as needing to go to a counselor. I admire those who go, as it takes courage to sit there and bare your heart to someone and put your trust in them. I have always resisted the thought of going to one because I don't think I need one. That being said, with all the pressure that I have been getting, I have decided to get a "risk assessment" done to see if a counselor would benefit me. The school board provides Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) for teachers. A risk assessment is done first, and then the employee is matched up with the appropriate help if needed. Maybe this will shut people up if my rick is low, or who knows? I might discover something that I am not seeing. I prefer getting "advice" from people who have been in my shoes (namely all of you) than "self-proclaimed" psychiatrists.
My appointment is Friday so, I will keep you all posted.
No news on the insurance front. It is 4 weeks tomorrow until my TAC. I will be calling again tomorrow to see if D did her part, she was out today. Hopefully she did, because if she didn't, I am going to let her know how displeased I am.
Holly sent me some beautiful pictures that came at a time when I needed them the most. I remarked to her, how strangers (not that you are strangers to me) can love and cherish my babies, and those around me in real life, can't even do that. Thanks Holy! You guys are really the best. What would I do without all of you? Keep me in your prayers.
Where is my expected end?