My heart aches tonight. Not for my babies, but for all my sisters who are battling infertility. I never know what to say when I meet someone who is trying their hardest to conceive. Do I say, "I'm sorry"? Do I say "Keep the faith"? "Do I say it will happen for you"?
Today, I met another woman who is battling with infertility - secondary infertility to be exact. She has a 7 year old and has been trying for 5 years to give her son a sibling. This woman has just about given up and has accepted that she will only have one child. She considered IVF, but thinks it is not guaranteed. She is a Uniques Aide for one of my students and she is tender and lovng with not just her personal charge, but with all the students she assists when in my classroom. Just seeing how wonderful she is with the children breaks my heart. What do I say? What can I do?
It seems that after losing two babies, I am more in tune with others. I sense their pain and want to do something about it but cannot, as I have no idea what to do.
I went to a seminar tonight and my Assistant Principal and another co-worker were talking. My AP had IVF to help conceive. She told me that when she went in to implant the eggs, the Dr. told her only one was of good quality. She was depressed during the two week wait, but thankfully, it resulted in a healthy baby. She also informed me of how expensive it was ($15,000 for her).
I cam home tonight and I reflected on the many times I commented how "damn fertile" I was, and thought how insensitive of me. Not knowing that she was going through it and still had these feelings even though she has her rainbow baby. She stated that though she is grateful for her son, her heart still aches for the children she may never have.
I also thought about all of you, my wonderful support system and how some of you are struggling.
If I have ever said something insensitive, please forgive me. It is never my intention to drive the knife a little deeper. If It were as easy as giving you a few of my eggs, I would. I love you all and appreciate you that much. When you hurt, I hurt. I pray for all of you daily.
I am going to go to my AP tomorrow and will apologize foe anything I may have said in the past that was insensitive. Please help me out here. It seems I am always meeting someone who battles this "disease". If you battle this condition, what is is that you dislike hearing from others? I would love to know, so I never stick my foot in my mouth.
Where is my expected end?