Monday, March 2, 2009

The things that people say....

I know I am not alone. I hear it all the time about losing a child. People find it amazing that we named our baby - they can't believe that we consider her a person. Yes - she was a person and will always be our firstborn.
Here goes,
1. It was God's will (no one knows this better than I, but please don't tell me that. I don't want to hear it).
2. You're young, you can have more.
3. It's a good thing it happened now and not later after you became attached (HELLOO!!!!! We were already attached. After all she was living, breathing, and moving inside me).
4. Thank God, something could have been wrong with her .( All testing came back negative. She was a perfect baby).
5. You were not ready anyway. (Who are you to be the judge of that? I own my own home, have a decent job,.... need I go on?)
6. It was not meant to be. (If thats the case, then what is?)
7. It could have been worse. (What could be worse than this?)
8. It was too early in your marriage. (Who cares when we have love overflowing to give?)

There are tons more that I can add, but it will just rile me even more.

2ww - CD 23
I am still in the 2 week wait. Technically I can test tomorrow, but I choose not to. AF is supposed to show her ugly face on Friday. Again, I must say I am not optimistic. I got my hopes up last time, only to have it dashed away and ended up crying.  I even had dh hide the hpt's I have at home, just so I won't be tempted to test. I figured, I will let AF be my indicator. I am just scared and nervous that she will show. Did I say I hate the 2ww?

Church yesterday was awesome. As usual, there is always a message that fills my heart with hope. My prayer today is part of a well-know prayer.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His will,
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
         - Reinhold Niebuhr

Be blessed. Awaiting my expected end.

1 comment:

  1. Though mine was a miscarriage, and not as far along as your sweet Alyssa-Joy, I SOOOO relate to your post. I wish people had said, "I'm sorry." Or "Let me know if you want to talk." Instead many hit me with comments like yours..."it wasn't meant to be." Ugh. These hurtful statements made it that much more difficult to cope with a really rough time!

    Sounds like you're keeping your chin up. :)