I love blogging. It gives me an outlet to explore and express my feelings. I am usually a very quiet person and this medium gives me the opportunity to meet, share and minister my experiences with others who may be experiencing a similar situation.
No one should ever have to lose a child. The week after we lost our child, I think I was numb and in disbelief. It was after praying and talking to my hubby that I learnt that it was ok to feel... just feel. At work, I don't express or show how I am feeling, and people look at me and think all is well... it is not. There is a war on the inside. I trust my savior and know that he will work it out for my good, but the human side (which fails him daily) asks why? Whenever I feel this way, that still small voice whispers; "Be still and know that I am God..." (Psalm 46:10). Though we often neglect to read or quote the remaining portion of the scripture, these few words are the most powerful.
Whenever I doubt the plans God has for me, I remember this scripture. It is a scripture that I can contemplate on. It is a scripture that reminds me of the plans he has towards me. It is a scripture that reminds me that he is still God, and inspite of what we experience, he still holds my life and future in his hands. I must trust him. I must leave all my burdens at the altar and have faith that he will see me through and bless me with my expected end.
A while ago I bought dh a Chapter by Chapter Commentary of the Bible by Warren Wiersbe. I recently looked up this scripture and this is what the author had to say;
"Be still means take your hands off and relax. God knows what he is doing, and his timing is always perfect. When it is all over, he will be exhalted, and you will be blessed" (Wiersbe, 1991).
Wow. Though I may not understand it now, his word promises that he will take charge of every situation and work it out for my good. After all, he did say he is not a God that he should lie, nor is he the author of confusion.
So today lord, I am taking my hands off of it and relaxing. I know that you are in control, and when your perfect will is done, you will be more exhalted that you are now. I praise you and I thank you now for being you and for your many blessings that are here and those that are coming. You desire only to give me what is good and right, and everything you do only exhalts you more.
Whatever worries we have or disappointments we face, God is telling us I am still here and able to do exceedingly, abundantly, more than we can ever ask or think. Yes, we will have our bad days, but we must remember to be still and KNOW that he is God.
I don't profess to be the perfect person or christian, but I know that I serve a God that will never put more on me that I can withstand. He knew what he was doing when he called my little girl home, and in due time, I will see her again, and until that time, she will be watching down on her parents and her future brothers and sisters. It is beacause of her that I am now the way I am. It is beacuse of her that her future siblings will have a fighting chance. It is because of her that my marriage and family ralationships are better. It is because of her that I am a louder advocate for my health care. It is beacuse of her, I strive to ensure that other women do not meet the same fate. Thank you Alyssa-Joy Katherine Wise, for choosing me to be your mommy, and for teaching me these lessons. I love you and miss you. Not a day goes by that your beautiful face does not float across my mind. I look forward to the day I see you again.
Awaiting my expected end.