Here I am sitting in an all day leadership meeting and my mind is elsewhere. I should be brainstorming and sharing ideas and concerns, but all I can think about is Spring Break and getting preggers. I find myself analyzing every feeling, twitch, and ache..... wondering......if......I.....could.......be.....pregnant. I keep running to the restroom checking the toilet paper. I keep thinking that I am seeing blood (its not there, but I cant help it). Every time I don't see blood, I breathe a sigh of relief. Today is CD 21. I have no idea how long my cycle is. If it is 24 - all hopes are shot, if it is 26 - there is a glimmer of hope, if it is 28 - then we really have a fighting chance. I have a few milestones. Thursday, then Sunday, then wednesday. I really do not know when I ovulated. I used OPK's the last 2 weeks and could not pinpoint a day until I got fed up and stopped. I hope and pray that I am. If I am not, again, it is ok. After all, we are supposed to be taking a break.
I absolutely cannot wait for spring break. April 6th cannot get here fast enough. I can really say that my students are driving me insane. They, like myself are simply counting the days until Spring Break.
Every Spring, I compile my plans for the summer. This summer I plan on learning to crochet, hit the gym and lose some weight and laze around the house. I cannot wait!
I also miss my baby today. Knowing me, I would have already have everything prepared. I would be anticipating her birth and enjoying it. If I were still pregnant, next week would be my last week. As I approach this day, the reality of my due date draws even closer. I am dreading it. How will I feel? Will I be depressed? Will I be able to handle it? Should I even bother coming to work?
Please pray for us as we approach this now dreaded date.
Awaiting my expected end.