Monday, November 15, 2010

Caught in the Middle

Remember this incident? Well, for the past few months none of them (my husband, my sister, my step-mom) have been speaking to each other. My sister stated quite strongly that day that she will never come by my house again, and she has not since June. My step-mom is not one to hold a grudge and will love you regardless, but my husband feels out of place with the family. Part of it stems from his own insecurity and embarrassment about the situation, the fact that we have moved on and my sister still won't speak to him, and the fact that he does not want to feel uncomfortable around my sister.
Let me add, that I did not initially bring them into the situation. My husband did when he called my oldest sister that day. I would have been content leaving the situation in our house. After he called my oldest sister, it all spiraled out of control and the entire family got involved.

I sort of feel stuck in the middle. I love my husband despite his faults, and we have been through extensive counseling. I have seen where my actions could have escalated the problems we were having, and he has seen where his actions have escalated the problems we were having.
We have always been close to my family, until that "event". Now, he does not go over to their house, he no longer calls my step-mom to chat, nothing that he used to do.
The holidays are coming up (which I hate and are already hard) and we usually spend the holidays with my family. Last week he said he is not spending Thanksgiving with my family, he is staying home. I do not want to spend Thanksgiving with my family by myself while my husband stays home. So my only option is to stay home too. Who wants to spend Thanksgiving alone? If I go to my family, I will have to say why he is not there and I will feel miserable knowing he is home alone. Which leaves me with the decision to stay home as well. I will not spend the day with friends because I feel that is a time for family, especially since its around the time we lost Alyssa-Joy.

Once my sister makes up her mind that she does not like someone and will no longer speak to them, she sticks to it. I have always wanted a marriage where my spouse was close to my family, but now that does not seem to be the case. If they cannot get along now, what will happen when the baby gets here?
My sister has made snide comments of late, so I kind of avoid mentioning Larry when I am speaking to her. I do not want this kind of relationship and I am caught in the middle. I feel that right now my loyalty lies with my husband. I have been praying about it and asking God for direction, but I am still stuck.

Sorry for the rambling, but has anyone been in this situation or have any advice to offer? What do I do for the Holidays? How do I "fix" this situation (because, you know I like to fix things)? I don't want a life where no one in my family gets along, and I especially don't want my child to grow up in a situation like this.

Awaiting my expected end (great c/l and still working!),


  1. This may be silly but can you convince them to get together to talk it out? You can be the mediator? Maybe convince them it's for the baby? (hugs) Hope all works out!

  2. Marie,

    You need to call a round table "Come to Jesus Meeting". All that you have heartfully spelled out in this post needs to be Artfully spelled out to those you love. Take it from me, as time marches forward the ill feelings marinate and grow. Nip this now and avoid a lifetime of hurt.

    I watched members of my Family fade away and it is so hurtful over time. And the one thing that repaired ills was the death of my Grandmother...don't let it take a tradgedy to bring you all back together under one roof.

    Larry, Your Sister and Your Step Mother are going to have to practice the art of compromise. It won't be easy, but overall they must "agree to disagree".

    Besides, once this new little miracle shows up everyone is going to forget the ills, as they won't be able to stay away from your baby :)

    Now, go and get Larry moving in the right direction and call up your sister and tell her how much it means to you that your "whole" family be together on Thanksgiving.

    HUGS and LOVE

  3. I agree with the other posts - see if something can be worked out. I pray it can! You don't need another burden on your plate. You are in my prayers as always. I know little Alyssa's birthday coming up is hard enough, without family discord, too.

  4. I do agree that your loyalty lies with your husband but I would def try to fix it if it can be fixed. At least you guys can say you tried then.

    Family feuds are tough. We had one on my dad's side for many years and we lost out on many memories. And I'm not sure if anyone even remembered how it started, but I believe it was over something stupid.

    And right now there's kinda one on my my mom's side. My dad won't go to any family functions on that side because of my grandparents supporting my aunt who owes my parents a lot of money. My mom still talks to her parents on occasion but doesn't go to any family functions because she won't go without him.