Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Hey gang! Thanks so much for the comments and well wishes. I have decided to speak to Larry, write my sister a letter (I am too coward to do it in person) to let them know exactly how I feel.

Today I am 15 weeks 3 days. It is at 15 weeks 6 days that I started having cervical changes with Evan and went on bedrest. My next appointment is not until 16 weeks, 2 days (MFM) and 16 weeks 3 days (OB). I will be calling my OB to see if we can move the appointment up or even push it back since it makes no sense to have appointments back to back. I am also scheduled to get my first P17 shot next week. Definitely not looking forward to that! We will also find out the gender next week.... well Larry will, I wont. Yes, I am still deciding to not find out until about 25 weeks, maybe even later.
I feel great, have had no discharge (knock on wood and praise God! - discharge for me is the enemy), no pressure, no nothing, I have not felt any kicks yet though and I usually start feeling them by week 14.
I was speaking to a friend the other day and I made a comment that I was treating the TAC like a TVC, and it occurred to me that I actually am! The TAC is no comparison to the TVC and since realizing that I have relaxed just a tad bit (just a tad).

A new bloggie friend asked the following question that got me thinking.
"Marie, Is it possible, even for a second, to not be afraid? after all we have been through? And despite being afraid, can we still not enjoy the pregnancy?" Is it possible? I think for me it will become enjoyable once I pass my critical weeks (16-21) and then once viability hits (even though it really isn't viability because 50/50 doesn't mean much) I will enjoy it even more. For me the fear comes from the unknown and I joke about the fact that I wish they sold ultrasound machines for the home so I can monitor myself. Thats the best answer I can come up with. Does anyone have a better answer? There are times throughout the day I find myself not afraid and I am optimistic about the future. Do I think I will bring this baby home? Absolutely! I refuse to believe I won't. Is it going to be easy holding on to that hope? Nope. But I have already made up my mind that for each milestone, a large purchase will be made.
My first purchase for hitting 16 weeks will be this.

Thanks for continuing to keep us in prayer.

Awaiting my expected end (great c/l and still working!),


  1. So very glad things are going great! I think about you often. Praying that this little nugget gets comfortable in your belly and hangs out until eviction day! I am almost 19 weeks and am really just starting to feel Amelia. This is the latest of all five of my pregnancies. I hope you and your family have a wonderful, blessed Thanksgiving.

  2. Hope you can feel those kicks soon! :)

    It is hard not to have fear in PAL but you can have moments of no worry/fear. I know I had them. There'd be the fear moments followed by the happy/no fear ones and it went back and forth.

  3. So happy that you opened up the lines of dialogue with your family. You are doing your best to mend fences and that is all the you can peace maker and I pray they follow suit :)

    So happy you are doing well! I agree, we have to do our best to move forward despite the fears. It's hard, but like you, I want the live in the moment as much as I can. In my heart I know the TAC is going to work like a champ and you are going to be absolutely fine. May God continue to watch over you and your sweet, growing baby.

    Much Love,

  4. Sending prayers and positive thoughts to you, Larry, and the babe in your womb. Hope you start feeling him/her soon! BTW, I love what you plan to buy - could have used that myself in my fertile days! (((HUGS)))

  5. Haha, glad that made you think. I plan on becoming a basket case the entire pregnancy. I am not even going to buy diapers until AFTER the baby is born. Let's see how we do with zero preparation.