Thursday, April 30, 2009


Well, the economy is getting to everyone. First I must give thanks for the things that I have and the job that I am blessed with. Not only do I currently have a job, but it is a job that I love and look forward to doing everyday.

Earlier last year, when we knew "a recession" was possible, our district superintendent promised that instructional positions would not be cut. Nine months later, positions are being slashed left and right to the tune of 600-900 teachers being surplussed. As an ESE teacher, I always figured that I had some sort of job security. However, lately I have been hearing that the teachers from other schools who have been surplussed but have more seniority (been in the district longer) may be given our jobs. Let me first hasten to add that these are rumors not facts that have been validated. It is scary. My ESE specialist recently came to me and said that next year there will only be a resource class (my current position) and that the self-contained class will no longer be there. I must say that I am now nervous, the self-contained teacher has been here for almost 15 years-if anyone is to go, who do you think it might be? 
It also does not help that my principal is leaving for another school and we have no idea who his replacement will be.
Now, if I am staying that would mean next year I would have 60 or more students that I am responsible for. Currently I have 45 and do not have a lunch time or planning time (against contract rules) because my classroom is a revolving door and as per federal law, these students must be seen for the times and subjects specified in their Individualized Education Plan (IEP). I cannot imagine 60 students in my class. When will I have time for my other duties (SAC chair, Team Leader, Aspiring Leader commitments)? If I am to have a little one and might possibly be on restricted activity, how am I going to manage? If I have to be out in the fall, will I be surplussed? or am I protected by disability?
You can imagine my fears right now. I love my job, but we are a two income family. Not that we live above our means, but I have student loans and dh has other priorities where his 2 children are concerned.

It does not help that we are all in the dark. Usually by now, we get our placement papers for the next school year-we have yet to see it. We have not had any budget meetings - other schools have.
Another thing they are telling us is (another rumor circulating)  that if you are on an annual contract, you are going to be let go. I am on an annual contract until August 2009. 
I must say it is getting very scary.  I am not only concerned for me, but for the many teachers who are single, have children, and will have no jobs come August. What are they going to do? We have teachers with degrees (Bachelors, Masters, Doctorate-like myself) that will be let go. I asked my union steward if your level of degree counts and I was told no. I simply may not have a job because you are on an annual contract.

In the midst of my worry I am reminded; Let Israel hope in the Lord; for with the Lord there is mercy, and with him plenteous redemption. (Psalm 130:7)
I am now leaving it in the Lords hands. If I get a class of 60, I am going to have to do my best and roll with the punches. Lunch??? What's that? Planning? What's that? I will do whatever it takes to keep my job. Please pray that the Lord's will be done.

On a lighter note, my 4th grade students passed the Writing portion of the FCAT (state test)! I have 5 that I see for writing and they all got 3's or higher. Praise the Lord! To God be the glory, GREAT thinks he has done! We are now waiting on the Math and Reading scores.
Is the economy affecting anyone differently? Is anyone worried or facing a gloomy next few months?

Awaiting my expected end.

Monday, April 27, 2009


What comes after the test? I have heard this question asked many times and believe that the answer is always wrong. Someone said to me recently "Don't worry. After your test, you will have a testimony". I am sure this person had the best of intentions - but do not say those words to me unless you have been through what I have been through.

As a believer, I know that we are put through tests. As the scripture says the trying of our faith worketh patience....  The response of many is usually "a testimony". I beg to differ. For those of us who have lost a child or even a loved one, we know that the testimony does not come right away. As for me, after my test (some of us go through many) I experienced many emotions. Anger, hurt, depression, and eventually hope. After these gamut of emotions, I can only say a testimony will come after my expected end is here (aka a child being born into this world with no complications or health issues). But what about the people who never have a child? What about the people who always struggle and suffer and never get their ultimate reward? Will they ever have a testimony? 
After the test, I believe that your attitude is what defines your situation as well as your faith. Do I sit here and curse God? Do I wallow in self-pity? Do I give up ever having a child? I can sit here and mourn and cry "woe is me!" or I can do something about it. I can turn my experience into a ministry or service. I can advocate for my family members and their health care. I can evaluate my life and make changes. I can pick a charity and raise money. I can cherish the memories of my little one and share her with others who will love her as much as I do. I can make my condition known and implore women to ask their doctors for cervical checks. 
Yes, I grieve and that is okay. But I do not let the grief consume me to the point that I cannot be of use to myself or others. Do I have a testimony right now? Not at all. Does that mean I will never have one? I refuse to believe that. But I do know that after I go through a test, a testimony is NOT the next thing to follow. 

My attitude determines my altitude. I believe that how I act following my experiences  will affect how others treat me and the blessings that will ultimately come my way. I want to be seen as not "that lady who lost her baby", but as Marie-a good friend or a positive person. I am tired of being seen like that. I see the looks of pity, hear the whispers when I enter  a room, and what is my response? I smile and say "if you have a question you can always ask." I am open about my experience. You never know who may be going through a similar situation or will go visit their doctor and ask questions to ensure that the same thing does not happen to them.

After my test and the ultimate attitudes that I display, he will make me whole. I will accept the path that I have been given (it is really tough). I will move forward in a positive light no matter what the outcome. I will still grieve for years to come, but acceptance will become a part of my life. Will the testimony ever come? I hope so. But if it is not part of my future then I trust that he will make me whole. 
The lady with the issue of blood for twelve years (imagine seeing your period continuously for 12 years!) who came up to Jesus and touched the hem of his garment. Did she believe that she would have a testimony after she touched him? She did. She believed in her heart that if she could just touch the hem - not his hand or even his feet (she felt it was unattainable-out of reach - thats how I feel sometimes)-but his hem, then she would be made whole. What was the difference between this woman and myself? She believed. Yes, she struggled for years, but she always had hope. She took a chance and believed that she would be healed-that she would get her expected end. (Matthew 9)
So will I have a testimony? I hope so. I am going to believe that he can make me whole as long as I believe. Yes, I know the road may be rough and paced with problems, but I am going to hold on to hope. 
Do not tell me that I am going to have a testimony unless you have been through a similar experience. Do you have a crystal ball?? Then don't tell me that I will have a testimony. No one knows what the future holds. Tell me to have hope and believe that I will have a testimony. I pray that we all will have hope. I know it is easier said than done after all the disappointments we face. But if we don't have hope, what else is there to hold on to? I close with this scripture;
Psalm 39:7
And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope is in thee.

Awaiting my expected end.

Saturday, April 25, 2009


Hello Gang!
Thanks for the kind words this past week. I showed them to hubby and it really warmed our hearts knowing that we were being prayed for and thought of. I was a little hesitant showing Alyssa-Joy's picture as some people say they would rather not see her (I show her off all the time). Thanks for validating my actions.

Hubby and I took the week and just communed with the spirit of our Lord and our daughter. Today has been a busy day. The March of Dimes Walk, a friends baby shower, and now I have to go get ready for my bff's 30th birthday party. I am so grateful to have found such a wonderful group.
I will update everyone tomorrow-gotta run!

Awaiting my expected end.

Monday, April 20, 2009

From Mother to Daughter

Dear Alyssa-Joy,

Words fail me when it comes to expressing my love for you. As I sit here on the day you were supposed to have arrived, tears stream down my face. Just knowing that I never got the chance to know you, to show you off, to dress you to the nines. All I have to show are some pictures and the contents in your memory box. Your scent still lingers in the blanket you were wrapped in, the picture of your ten fingers and ten toes remind me how small and perfect you were. The certificate of birth those wonderful nurses composed with your full name reminds me that you were a person and you were with us, even if it were for a short time. 
The day that you would have been born was supposed to be one of jubilation, tears of happiness, laughter, love. In stead the day you were born was filled with grief, pain, tears of sadness and hurt. "Why's?" came to our lips, tears streamed down our faces when we saw your beautiful face and perfect body. Your grandparents, dad and aunts were there to witness your birth, and thought you left this earth to go to the next, just know that you were loved in that birthing room.

You would have been proud of your mother. I have no tolerance for pain, but I took it like a champ. I gave birth to you without any meds. Even though the doctor said, you felt no pain, in my heart I know you did. I know you struggled to catch your breath as your lifeline was taken away. For this baby, I am truly sorry. I know now that there was nothing I could have done to save you, but my body failed you. This body that I have lovingly cared for, worked on, and made beautiful on a daily basis, failed you. 

My greatest fear, is your face fading from my mind. I look at your picture everyday in hopes of this not happening. When I think of you a smile now comes to my face. I can only think of the things that we would have done together. How you would have wrapped your daddy around your fingers (he is a sucker for girls), how your aunts and grandparents would have spoiled you, how loved you would have been. Mommy and daddy were eagerly anticipating your arrival, but we now know it was not meant to be. But, baby that does not mean that we love you any less. You were the mirror image of your father. The only feature that was mine were your long fingers. You had the skinniest legs and beautiful hair. Even then I knew you were going to be a beauty.

I remember the day we found out you were a girl, we were on cloud nine. Immediately plans were made for what your room would look like and how we would "pinkify" you.
But now I sit here without you and my heart hurts. I have never known pain like this, but baby just know that I am not sad that you were born, I am sad that you are not here with me physically. I feel your presence daily and know that you are with me. At night, I feel a feather cross my cheek and I smile, knowing that its you giving me comfort.

How do I answer the question; "are you a mom" Do you have any kids?" I sure do, I have my very own angel waiting on me, loving me, comforting me. I am glad to have known you and loved you. When you think of your mom, just know that you are loved even though you are not here. Know that I look forward to the day I will see you again. Know that you have made me a better person, mom, wife and friend.

Rest in peace my sweetheart, until we meet again.

Awaiting my expected end.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Do I love him any less????

Hello ladies! I have been battling with this question lately. Do I love him (God) any less? 
I know that in spite of all that I have been through, he still provides and is a constant friend. I also know that I still love him and look to him for comfort. I know that if something happens, I automatically turn to him and call upon him for mercy and a miracle. I also know that his word always tells me that he would never put more on me than I can bear. But tell me something? How do I know how much I can bear??? I can bear the loss of one, but two, three, four???? I don't think so! But like so many ladies who have lost this many, they constantly hear the words; "he won't put more on you than you can bear". How do we know how much we can bear until we go through it? I personally would rather not know.

April seems to be a terrible month. Most my friends (hohb ladies and in the blog) seem to be having a tough time getting pregnant, even with medical intervention, or are having a tough time staying pregnant. It seems every where I turn, a child has died, and I must say this hurts me to the core especially after they worked hard to get this child here. Do they love him any less? Why do good people have to suffer? Why does it seem that every where we turn we face disappointments and heartaches? After agonizing and trying to understand the mind of God (which we never will), I am reminded of the scripture that says "yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me" (Psalm 23).

Do I love him any less?
Since he left me motherless at a young age (6); do I love him any less?
Since he gave me quite a scare last year and waved the "C word" in my face; do I love him any less?
Since he took Alyssa-Joy and left me childless; do I love him any less?
Since I stand on pins and needles daily: do I love him any less?
Though it seems that the bills are piling up and we wont get a raise next year; do I love him any less?
Though I have a weak cervix and will have a tough time in any pregnancy; do I love him any less?
Though this reduces my chances of having as many kids as possible, do I love him any less?

Do you love him any less?
If you are trying diligently for a child and are going nowhere; do you love him any less?
If you are faced with infertility; do you love him any less?
If you have lost a child; do you love him any less?
If you are bedridden and seem at your wits end; do you love him any less?
If you have been disappointed time and time again; do you love him any less?

I can think of many scenarios that are devastating and try our faith, but do we love him any less? I don't.  It actually makes me reach put to him more. Though I may get mad at him, I actually seek him more as only he can give me the comfort that my hubby cannot give me.
Romans 5:1-6 says:
1. Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
2. By whom also we have access by faith into his grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also, knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4. And patience experience, and experience, hope.
5. And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy ghost which is given unto us.
6. For when we were yet without strength, in due time, Christ died for the ungodly.

I can truly say that through all my experiences I have learned patience. I have learned at appreciate the small things I have. My relationships with other people are better. I have the experience of losing a child and I can share my experience with someone who has recently gone through the same thing. And now I have HOPE. Yes, I may see all the tragic things that are going on in the world, but I also see the good things. I see a newborn baby (even though I wish is were mine), I see the sun rise every morning and I know new mercies are abounding. I see the miraculous changes happening in my life and I have hope.
If you are going through some tough times right now, just have hope. It may be tough, but he wants us to reach out to him. He wants us to think positive and have faith. He wants to show us that he is God, and his love is overflowing despite what we face. He wants to make us more patient, peace. strength, experience, and hope. When we feel weak and cannot seem to find peace, just know that his strength is made perfect in our weakness.

When I am down, I repeat the following scripture: "hear my cry O God, attend unto my prayer. When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I"(Psalm 61:2). This helps to calm my fears just knowing that I have someone who listens and can attend diligently unto me.

Well, my appointment went well yesterday. I am relieved. With all that I went through last year, I needed some good news. In addition to some other procedures, I had a breast exam. Praise God! NO LUMPS!!!  One less thing for me to worry about.

On a sad note, please pray for my friend Alyson and Justin whose last round of fertility treatment was unsuccessful. Please pray for comfort for them and their continued peace.

Awaiting my expected end. 

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A little thing called faith..

Hey gang! 
Hope all is doing well these days. I must say so far so good at work. Barely any mention of my AP and her newborn. My due date is looming (next Monday) and I am not sure how I will feel that day, but as for now I am taking it one day at a time. Same thing for Mothers day. I never particularly liked it as my mother is deceased and has been for years, and I think this year will be especially worse as I should have been a mom by that time. Oh well....thats the way the cookie crumbles.

I have been on a faith run lately and the latest scripture I found is Matthew 21. This scripture speaks volumes.  It was when Jesus and his disciples were in Bethpage Jerusalem, and the elders were selling goods in the sanctuary. After he reamed them out, he then went to Bethany and found himself hungry. He looked at the Fig Tree and found that it had no fruit, and being the sassy man that he was he said; "Let no fruit grow on thee henceforth forever" (v.19).
The disciples saw it and they marvelled, saying, "How soon is the fig tree withered away!"
Verse 21 &22 says, Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, if ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.
And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer believing, ye shall receive.

Have you ever seen a mustard seed?? It is practically invisible. If I have faith that small, and not only have faith, but don't doubt as well, anything is possible! 
If there is something that you want and are hoping for, if you have faith that small, it will happen for you. I was once told that the human faith is powerful beyond measure.

Please remember me in your prayers tomorrow. My appointment is at 2:30 pm and I am reallllllyyyy nervous.

Awaiting my expected end.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

My name is VICTORY!

My brother-in-law preached at our church's youth week last night and part of his message struck me. He challenged the young people to consider themselves victorious. He asked everyone to repeat the words "My name is victory". I believe that I am going to make this my mantra from now on. When I repeat these four little words to myself, I feel empowered. It is also part of my positive thinking. By saying it and believing it, is a testimony of faith. I believe that all will work out well and that I and my expected end will be safe. My name is victory.

I know I was feeling sad a few days ago, but after going to services last night, I was reminded of the scripture that says "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (II Timothy 1:7). Why should I be fearful? after all I am a believer and if he has mandated that I am more than a conqueror, and he has equipped me with a sound mind, then I should have no negative thoughts. Whenever I feel fear coming over me, and what ifs? I repeat this scripture to myself. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I go back to work on Monday and like I said in my previous post, I have mixed feelings. Worst of all, everyone will  be talking about my AP's new baby boy. I hope I get through that day okay. Please keep me in your prayers.

I also have a very important appointment this week (Wednesday). Please pray that all goes well. After all I have been through last year, I really want good news this week. I will let you know how it goes.
Please pray for my friend Alyson. She recently underwent a procedure and will get the results this week (I think the 17th - Friday). Please pray for good news, and despite the news, peace of mind for her and her hubby. 

Awaiting my expected end.

Friday, April 10, 2009

My life in a nutshell...still grateful

I really should be getting ready for church, but find myself extremely tired. It also does not help that hubby has to work a double and will not be home until 11:00 pm tonight.
I was extremely sad last night. In fact I was holding back tears so dh would not see. I keep thing that I should be eagerly anticipating the birth of Alyssa-Joy or at least be enjoying the pleasure of her company right now. I keep thinking that I should not be going to work on Monday, but should be catching my last days of sleep before her arrival or having sleepless nights feeding and changing a baby. I am just sad.

I keep thinking about miscarriages and all thing that can go wrong with a pregnancy (Even though I have no history of 1st trimester losses). It is hard to think positive. When we are blessed with a little one, I can only imagine the worry I will got through until he os she is 18, and even then I will still worry (my dad still worries about my sisters and I). I know, I really trust God, but my human side starts thinking all sorts of negative things. I am praying more often and asking God to help me let go and trust him as his plans for me are perfect.
When we lost AJ, I had a serious talk with God. Plain as day, he said he will carry me the next time. I have to trust that he is not a God that he should lie, but that he wants us to prove him. 

2008 was a rough year. It was also a trying of my faith. On February 14th, dh collapsed at work and was rushed to the hospital. When I heard the news it was the longest 20 minute ride of my life. Come to find out he had really bad high blood pressure and a high fever. He stayed in the first hospital for 5 days.  On Saturday he was discharged, and sent home with meds. He was rushed back again Sunday Night. The dosage was too high and was causing mini strokes (migraine - why did the doctor not say this?? When I heard stroke, I fell apart). He stayed in that hospital another 5 days before being sent home.

In May at my routine checkup, a lump was found in my left breast. Cancer runs in my family, in fact my mom died from ovarian cancer (every year I get a pap and a C125 test - every woman should request this). It was then  3 months of testing and praying. I was finally cleared in August, but told to do more self-exams and visit the surgeon again in 6 months. 

It was then suggested to us by my primary care physician that we start having kids as I have no idea what the future holds. We did, and then our world came crashing down.

I have come to the conclusion that things can only get better from here on. What's the worse that can happen?? I have been through the ringer and back and things can only get better. It is through these experiences that I have learned to count it all joy. I am closer to my hubby, family, am more proactive in my own care, and appreciate and look forward even more to any kids I will have (noticed I said will and not may-this is part of my positive thinking). 

On the eve of Easter, I thank God. To think that he gave his life for me...... to think that he died on that cross.... endured spits and jeers....... I am thankful. Though my experiences are painful, I cannot imagine dying like that so that someone may have eternal life. He is truly an awesome God.
I challenge each of you this Easter to evaluate your thinking. There must be one thing that you are thankful for. It could be as small as having food, to as big as having life. Though it is tough, we can never and will never understand the mind of God.
Happy Easter to you and yours, and remember the reason behind the season.

Awaiting my expected end.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Love/hate relationship

Lately I have been sharing my most intimate with strangers so I might as well share more. I hasten to add, that I don't consider you strangers, more supports and my community of friends. Beware ----------------- PERSONAL CONTENT!!!!

Pre AJ
I had glorious breasts. They were perky, they actually stood at attention and looked great in every outfit.

During AJ
Frick and Frack were even perkier. They were huge and dh and I were floating on cloud nine.

After AJ
The two monstrosities no longer stand at attention! Wearing a push-up bra only masks it, but they are not the same. After my milk came in, they (gasp!!!) SAGGED! I think I might consider a "lift".
Will they ever be the same?????

My scripture for the day (little snippets): Psalm 27 - ...HE restoreth my soul....for thou art with me, thy rod and they staff they comfort me.....surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever

Awaiting my expected end.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Hello gang! I must say I am feeling much better today, but have decided to take it easy so that I can enjoy the last few days of my Spring Break out of the house. Thanks for all your prayers.

I have been meditating on a scripture lately. His word says to give thanks before the battle or victory is won, and part of my positive thinking is me thanking him daily for what I know will be a blessing. I keep reminding myself that when my blessing is fulfilled, he will be even MORE exhalted in the end. Thank you Lord for my upcoming blessing. I thank you for a second chance, and the ability to bless someone with a home and love, and the opportunity to bring them to you.

I hope this scripture is a blessing to you as it is to me.
Psalm 116:1-19.
1. I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.
2. Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.
3. The sorrows of death compasses me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.
4. Then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.
5. Gracious is the Lord, and rightousness, yea, our God is merciful.
6. The Lord preserveth the simple, I was brought low and he helped me.
7. Return unto thy rest, O my soul, for the Lord hath dealth bountifully with me.
8. For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.
9. I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
10. I believed, therefore have I spoken: I was greatly afflicted.
11. I said in my haste; all men are liars.
12. What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits towards me?
13. I will take the cup o salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord.
14. I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of his people.
15. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.
16. O Lord, truly I am thy servant, and the son of thine handmaid: thou hast loosed my bonds.
17. I will offer thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving, and will call upon the name of the Lord.
18. I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence all his people.
19. In the courts of the Lord's house, in the midst of thee, O Jerusalem, Praise ye the Lord.

The verse that sticks out is #12 - What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits towards me? I am so blessed beyond measure. I cannot thank him enough but to love him, magnify him and exhalt him. Though life has been disappointing lately, I know that his mercies are new and he will never leave nor forsake. At times, I may feel as if he is not there, but I know he is waiting in the shadows, willing me to call him. I love the Lord with such a heart rending love - it is undescribable. After losing AJ, I knew my attitude would determine my outcome. I attribute my attitude to him. As I have said numerous times, If I did not have him or my hubby, I would be in the mad house.

For those who may be feeling down this week, look to the hills from whence comeht your help. Lean on him and call upon him to give you peace. He is waiting on you.

Awaiting my expected end.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Busy Weekend

Whew! It has been a busy weekend and I am glad Spring Break is finally here. Hubby and I went to a wedding and had an awesome time. At the end of the night I remarked to hubby that this was the first wedding we went to and actually left there full. Below is a pic of us, and then of the happy couple, Josh and Kharla.

We are truly happy for them and wish them all the best. H

Today is the first day of Spring Break and I am on the couch. I think all the running around got to me and I am a little under the weather. Please say a prayer for me, as I do not want to spend the entire Spring Break on the couch. Well off to drink more fluids. Will check in  tomorrow.

Awaiting my expected end.

Friday, April 3, 2009


To God be the glory, GREAT things he has done. When I started this blog, and also when dh and I lost our baby girl, one of my goals was to let this experience teach a lesson, help others going through a similar experience, be a blessing to others and that ultimately, exalting God. 
It has been said many times, that my attitude is great. Let me tell you, If it were not for the saving grace and continued blessings of GOd, I would not be this sane. When I feel down, I have to remind myself, that HIS mercies are new EVERY morning, and I will be getting my Expected End.

I have been nominated for a Lemonade Award by A Mom in Jacksonville (Alana). Thanks Alana! This award is apparently for the bloggers who maintain a positive attitude despite the trails they encounter.

This is how it works
1. Put the award on your blog or post
2. Nominate bloggers with a great attitude or gratitude
3. Link their blog in your post
4. Let them know they have received this award by commenting on their blog
5. Share on your blog why you nominated them for this award.
6. Link to the person who gave you the award.

The Nominees are:
Baby Dreams - Even though this individual has been through so much, and keeps hearing the good news of others (which I am sure is painful), she never has a bad word to say. Surely she shall receive her expected end.

The Steiner Life - Alyson and her hubby have been trough a similar experience. Though she has her tough days, she remains steadfast on her faith, and is an inspiration to many. She has positive outlook and is moving forward in her quest to provide her angel with a sibling. Surely she shall receive her expected end.

Sweet Pea N Me -This individual is faithful and has a strong belief despite what she has been through. Whenever she is feeling down, she maintains a great attitude. It also does not hurt that she is a Teacher. Surely she shall receive her expected end.

Ladies, do not ever change. I pray for you daily as we all walk this road!

Awaiting my expected end.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Healing our Broken Hearts

This site (, has been my saving grace along with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I remember after losing Alyssa-Joy I was lost in grief. I became a crazy woman researching everything about Incompetent Cervix and women. I stumbled across this site and immediately joined.
This site provides a medium through which women with an Incompetent Cervix can reach out to other women with this issue, walk the TTC journey with them, share joys, sadness, successes and praises, and for those who are new to this such as myself, answer my questions. Not from a medical standpoint (I get enough of that from the doctors), but from a personal standpoint. Many of the women have traveled a similar road, are in the process of trying to conceive, and have conceived with the help of a cerclage.
From meeting these women, I have gotten a renewed sense of hope. These women come from all over the world, different ethnicities cultures, careers, and so on, but we are all linked by a common thread - having a weak cervix, trying to get past grief and trying to bless our angels with a sibling.

Through this forum, I have made some great friends who I was surprised to know live close to me. With these women (as well as the ones on the forum) I share my most intimate feelings and am never judged because of how I feel. If you know anyone who is traveling this road, please direct them to this site. The support is overwhelming and the things I have learned surprise my doctors. I am now armed with information I need when discussing with doctors getting a cerclage and my ultimate prenatal care.
Again, the forum is -

Awaiting my expected end.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Good Mood

I am in a good mood today ;-). Why? Spring Break is 2 days away! I cannot wait!

Awaiting my expected end.