Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Secret Garden Meeting -September

Hi gang!
This Month's edition of The Secret Garden Meeting centers around the following question: What has helped you through out this new life the most. Is it your family? your faith? Support groups? A ritual? Music? Physical activity? A new interest? It could be anything. Tell us about how whatever it is has helped you

Many things have helped me deal with these tragic and heartrending past few months. First and foremost, my faith. I do not profess to be the most perfect christian, I have my moments when I ask why? and doubt his "thoughts of peace" for me. However, on the days that I am feeling down and ready to lose hope, he sends someone, a scripture, a blog post, something that lifts me back up. I am working daily on my faith, it is tough, but I look back and I thank him for all the things he has done for me, good and bad, as it made me a better more appreciative, more sympathetic person.

Secondly it is my wonderful hubby. He knows how I feel and encourages me to express myself freely. A simple hug will bring me out of my sad place, the smile that flashes across his face when he looks at our babies pictures and urns, how he refers to the babies we will have, and how he thanks me for blessing him with two babies. I have an awesome hubby and I thank God for him - I could not imagine going through this with anyone else.

My sisters are also a God-send. They know just when to step in and rescue me. They remember my babies with me and encourage me. They keep the crazies away from me (you know - the ones who always have advice, God knows best, you are young...etc.) and when I am doubtful, remind me that I have to think positive.

Last, but not least, my blog family. It is all of you that help to keep me sane. Your words of encouragement are welcomed and treasured. You allow me to be me and know that I can express myself and share my babies without fear of rejection. I relish in the fact that I can count on you to pray (not just to say you are, but to actually do it), I enjoy sharing my life with you and Thank You from the bottom of my scarred heart.

I remember my babies every single day. When i wake up I tell them good morning and kiss the urns. I have had picture books made. The pictures I have of them are precious to me. I have scrapbook pages. Hubby and I are currently designing pendants in memory of them, and we are planning Alyssa-Joy's birthday celebration. We remember them by referring to them by name and sharing them with every one we know. We love you babies!

Where is my expected end?


  1. Marie, that is beautiful. :) The blogger family is truely a special group of women. :)

  2. My grief counselor and I were talking yesterday about the "core support group." I am so glad that you have such a wonderful husband, faith, and sisters. Not one person alone can help us bear our grief, so it's wonderful that you have a network.

  3. Marie, this is an awesome post! It is tough to still trust God through this nightmare, but He is so good, I am so glad you shared. XX

  4. Marie, I wanted you to know that I do Hope Collages for babylost parents as they grieve their children. I would love to do one for each of your babies. You can see what it's all about at:

    I started doing this in honor of my firstborn who lived for 13 days and passed in May/09.


  5. Remembering them helps me get through the days... Their hands, their feet, the way they grabbed our fingers. Closing my eyes, I can still be transported back and with them again.

    My faith is what has kept me out of the darkest part of the cave of grief. I know that I will see them again one day and that, when I do, it will be as though only a second has passed since we parted.

  6. It's lovely to read about the love surrounding you as you grieve little Alyssa-Joy.

    Love, Jess x

  7. I love it when God sends me exactly what I need at the right moment. He sure knows how to take care of me when I'm down!! A hug from hubby feel so good.

  8. It is nice that you have so much love and support through the loss of your snuglebugs Alyssa-Joy and Evan.

  9. I hold onto my faith at every step and have had similar experiences of having him send me something at just the right moment.
    And how wonderful to have such a supportive family.

  10. I'm glad you have such a wonderful support network. I'm just discovering myself how the blog world is so supportive.

  11. your support system sounds amazing. i am so happy that you have them to help you through.