(I have delegated him to lower caps as to not give him importance) :-)
Why do good people suffer? Why does it seem that those who would make awesome parents are the ones who suffer with infertility and loss? Why is it that when one thing goes wrong, the sh** usually hits the fan?
I know the Lord did not cause my loss, but he allowed it, and for that I am still mad. He has already said that he has to give the devil permission to touch his people. Though I have come to terms, I still cannot fathom what lesson I am supposed to be learning. I know one thing though, I will have a hell of a testimony when this is all over. I hope my life will be an example to others. My grief is still fresh and I dread the years to come without my babies, but I will make it. I just have to take it one day at a time.
Recently it seems that we and my hubby's family are going through it. I actually told my SIL that the devil is at work but he won't win.
The week of my loss, my FIL was admitted to the hospital. His cancer is at a stage 4, and his appendix ruptured. Since the cancer is so advanced, there was no much they could do but vacuum it out (thats the term my SIL used, hopefully it is the right term). Then we lost Evan.
The next week, our refrigerator broke beyond repair and we had to replace it. Let me tell you, refrigerators are not cheap! The next day, hubby's car broke down and a new part had to be bought. The cost????? $495. Remember, we are one one salary during the summer. Add the cost of cremating Evan, buying a refrigerator, and the part for the car - it ate up our extra reserves for the last few weeks of summer.
Then the next day, my SIL called. She has Cer.vical Tutoma (sp) and needs surgery. Cost will be out of pocket (no insurance) and of course family will have to help.
The next week, my BIL who is a minister, was in Georgia leading praise and worship and had to be rushed to the ER. Turns out he had a ruptured appendix that had to be removed. When it rains, it pours.
All these tragedies in two weeks. I tell you, the devil is at work, but he won't win. The scripture reminds us that we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against rulers of darkness, against spiritual wickedness in high places....
the scripture also says that we will come forth as pure gold.
The devil won't win. He won't steal my joy. He won't turn me against God. He won't send me into depression. He won't win and I will come through this ordeal as pure gold.
Where is my expected end?