Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Mixed Feelings

I watched 19 Ki.ds and Coun.ting last night after debating whether or not I could handle it emotionally. Mixed feelings is the phrase that comes to mind. I must first say that I admire the D.uggar's financial independence, and while I do not agree with having that many children, it is a personal choice and I respect that. I do get upset when I wonder, how can this woman have so many children and so many of us struggle to just have one? Her faith cannot be so greater than ours. The faith that we have probably surpasses hers. The level of our faith is higher than any mountain! Only when you go through the things we do, will the level of your faith. How many times have we bargained, prayed and had faith every month believing that we are pregnant? How many times do we speak and breathe life into our tummies only to have aunt flo show up days later? But alas, I digress (I know you should never begin a sentence with the word but, but who cares?).
I myself would love to have that many children in another life, but (1.) my body cannot handle it regardless of an incompetent cervix, (2.) cannot afford it, and (3.) my breasts would be sagging, my ass would be drooping and I would have premature gray hair. I respect anyone who has made that choice to have that many children (because it is a personal choice), as long as they can afford it and be financially independent (i.e, not relying on public/government assistance).

I am excited that premature birth, micro preemies, and Pre-eclamsia are being highlighted. I can think of so many women (and their husbands) who were educated because of this particular episode. I can think of all the women facing the reality of having a micro preemie, and how they now have some idea about what they are in for. I am glad that many naive pregnant women can now see that pregnancy is not always a walk in the park, and that problems can arise through no fault of the mother. For these, I am glad.
On the other hand, I don't think that the producers really portrayed the dangers of having a micro preemie. I think that they should have devoted more time to showing how critical the first 48 hours are. On the little blurb they flash across the screen (which was so fast that unless you are a speed reader, you wont be able to read it in its entirety, and as a former communications major, you should show every written blurb that is to be read for no less than 40 seconds), they did not even mention the long term effects such as blindness, inability to walk, speech impediments, hearing impediments, and so on. They did not mention ROP or brain bleeds, the risk to the mother in subsequent pregnancies due to a vertical incision, and a host of other complications.
Truthfully, I did not want to hear about their trip to El Salvador. How is it that they can devote a whole 2 hours to the befall of the Gosse.lin's divorce, Ti.ger's infidelities, and Mi.chael Ja.ckson's death, but they cannot devote the same time to educate America on what is such a predominant problem?
They also briefly flashed across the screen (very briefly) the March of Dimes website. Why were people not encouraged to give? Why were there not advertisements between each segment relating to premature births, potential problems, encouraging good prenatal care, or even birth control? Why was a MOD commercial not shown? I did not particularly want to hear about toilet paper or Boun.ty paper towels.
There is so much that could have been done to educate this country. With that being said, let me be selfish for a minute and promote my own MOD goals. Please do not forget to help me reach my goal by sponsoring me for MOD! Simply click the link to the left and donate. Every little bit counts. Let us work together to decrease the occurrence of pre-mature labour/births, childhood diseases and infant death. Every donation made will enter you for a chance to win a beautiful memorial globe. I know the economy is rough on everyone, but even $1.00 will be greatly appreciated.
Let us continue to educate women since it seems even the media are afraid to do it.

I made a remark a few weeks ago to a friend, that I would prefer a micro-preemie instead of losing both babies. After watching this episode and doing what I do best: researching uncle, grandpa, and momma As.k, I have now thought a little differently. Yes, if that had happened, I would have loved having them around, but the internal struggle would have driven me insane. Regardless of this struggle, I would have lovingly stood by their incubators fighting right along with them. However, I would never willfully seek to have a micro-preemie. I would have hated seeing them in an incubator instead of baking in my stomach. I would have cried daily seeing how small they were, and I would have surely lost it if any complications arose. I would have panic attacks just taking it day by day not knowing what the outcome would be, both in the now and long term. I would have hated seeing them in the NICU helpless and possibly even sometimes even hopeless.
Would I still have preferred having a micro-preemie? Yes, because it would have given them a chance at life. It would have given them the opportunity to fight right along with me to survive. This is why MOD is so important. In a country where medicine is so advanced, there must be something more that can be done.
SO, I have mixed feelings. America was somewhat educated, but not enough. If you watched it, what was your impression?

This episode also left a few questions unanswered. Will they have more children? Will they still insist on a VBAC? or will they finally see that having more children at her age is enough?

Thank you all so much for the kind words. It is a tough road and I would not wish for anyone to walk this road with me, but I will be selfish once again and say I am glad you all walk this journey with me.

Awaiting my expected end.


  1. I have heard she's saying shed like more children. And, I do know she's had 2 prior c sections. I watched both the special and last nights new episode. I was so amazed to see a baby the same size as Ella alive, kicking, breathing... I do not want a mp in any way shape or form. I do not want my child to come into the world fighting for their life and most likely suffer the consequences for a lifetime. But, the show did give me hope. That maybe if I can make it one more week than last time, this baby will live. It's so difficult because I don't want a mp, but I don't want her to die, either. I've been thinking about you a lot this week. Sending love and prayers your way! xxoo

  2. I had a micropreemie for 13 days and it was an emotional roller coaster on me and my entire family. I wouldn't trade my experience for anything though because it did give her the only chance at life that was possible. I wish *WISH* they would have done a better job at portraying the true roller coaster that comes with birthing a low birth weight, micro-preemie into this world. The strain is unthinkable and now that I look back I KNOW it was the grace of God that kept me strong while Jenna was fighting for her life. I had to be strong for her, and I was... by God's grace. I didn't watch the show but have heard some about it, and from what I've heard it's no surprise that they sugarcoated all the things that could have gone wrong (or avoided them altogether). Anyway those are my thoughts... I will donate something to your cause right now. I'd like the world to know.

  3. I too was hoping that they would have done a better job portraying the danger, roller coaster, etc Maybe in the episodes to come they will? Like Bree said I wish they would have talked about the long term effects... There is SO much that they could have aired that would have educated the many that watch that show! She will see "what god has in store for them" as far as more kids as well as VBAC. She was planning on a VBAC with this little one too. THinking of you! ((hugs))

  4. I wish that they had shown more of what actually happens with a preemie, especially a micropreemie. They made it seem sort of blase. I realize they dont have a lot of time, but it just seemed so empty. I dont watch that show but made the effort because I wanted to see how the NICU stuff was portrayed.

  5. I didn't see the show but it seems that they could've done more to educate. The more the better!!! People really do need to know. I agree with you, it's their personal decision on how many kids to have. I think I don't have a problem w/ them b/c they don't rely on govt to take care of them like the Octomom prolly does.

  6. I watched that episode and though I agree that they could have highlighted the dangers and what not more I think maybe they showed the trip more as a way for the parents to have privacy in their difficult time. I'm hoping that as the show progresses they will show more of the struggle but it's such a private thing that I will understand if they don't show much. My heart goes out to you as you feel your confliction of emotions as there are soooo many emotions that come with what you have been through and continue to go through. *hugs*

  7. I too watched the episode, despite never watching the Duggar's show before. I agree with you---I appreciate the "spotlight" this brought to preemie issues. (Especially to placental abruption---my SIL and twin nephews were almost killed from this 3 years ago.) However, I'm resentful of the time spent focused on the El Salvador trip and on babysitting the "little kids" left at home. Bummer Josie's birth couldn't have been more of the focus...and as you said, more of an educational opportunity.

  8. I admire Michelle Duggar is so many ways. She is a strong faithful woman of GOD who casts all her worries on him. Why does it come so naturaly for her and not for me? Humm, I always leave that show with the same question...Hummm?

    As for the show and the little insight on micro premies, those shows are all about drama and ratings, which I hate. Anything that creates hype! Most likely the only reason they showed the link for March of Dimes is because the Duggar's are moral people and insisted on the link being present. It's sad, but that's reality TV these days.

    On another note, one of the most compelling & real reality TV episodes I have ever seen was on the show Run's House. The reverend and his wife lost their baby and were brave enough to put their feelings out there for everyone to see. That takes such courage and I will forever stand in awe of the decision. I remember this episode so well and that was before I suffered my loss, but the episode and the depth of grief portrayed stuck with me. Now, I know it was ALL REAL, no hype, no drama, but real human pain.

    HUGS and hope that you have a good weekend :)

  9. I couldn't watch it. Like yourself I can't understand why she can have 19 children and I can't even have one.

    I agree though we need to do more to educate. I will be donating to your MOD cause because its important. I know there are several moms doing something for MOD so I will probably try to make a small donation to everyone. :)

    *hugs* I wish none of us had to walk this road, but I am glad we all have each other.