Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Latest

Ephesians 3:20 (King James Version)
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.

I have been mediating on this scripture lately. Its funny, someone was telling me about a particular situation, and I immediately cited this scripture to her. After telling her this scripture, a light bulb came on. I am always quick to give advice to others but never take that same advice and apply it. Now when I get nervous about the TAC and the problems that I have been having lately, I remind myself of this scripture. I printed it out, posted several copies on my microwave (which is right above the stove - so I can see it when I am cooking), on my laptop, desk, rear view mirror and board in my classroom. Sometimes we need subtle reminders to remind us that God is still in control regardless of how the situation looks.

Not to be a "Debbie Downer" but, I have been really emotional lately. In fact, I was in church on Sunday and just wanted to run out. An intense feeling of anger and hatred consumed me. It took me by surprise and I had no clue how to handle it. All I could do was bow my head and cry silently. I was my sitting in my seat and I saw my pregnant SIL and another pregnant girl in church. I just kept saying to myself, they are so unworthy of this and look at them! Now I know this thinking is not rational, but thats how I felt at the time. I simply could not fathom how these unemployed, undeserving people can get pregnant and go along blissfully with no problems, and problems attack me on every side. I felt intense jealousy and grief for myself at the same time.
When is this girl going to go away? When am I going to be able to look at other pregnant women (who have never had a loss) and not feel hatred (I hope thats not too strong a word)? I know it is not their fault, but that is just how I feel.

The Medical Director/Nurse from the insurance company finally called me back yesterday and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Marie, that was quite a task!" You think????!!!!!! She gave me the name of a Dr. located in Hollywood, Fl and started telling me that she was reading up on the procedure and how controversial it was. I stated to her that I am not worried about it being controversial, I am worried about carrying to term. I let her know that this was my absolute last chance before closing up shop.
I called the Dr, and to my surprise (not really - more like a fulfillment of my expectations) he only does cervical cerclages. This lady was apparently calling around asking for Dr.'s that do cervical cerclages, after I clarified the procedure many times to her. You can just imagine how frustrated I was!

I then called the University of Miami's Hospital and after being transferred to a horde of people, I was put in contact with the assistant to Dr. T.wigg, who is the Director of the Hospital's OBGN/GYN Department. All I could think of while making a multitude of calls was why am I doing the insurance company's job?????
Dr. .wigg highly recommends Dr. Sa.lih who is also the director of patient advocacy and safety at the Hospital. He is an MFM, well renowned, travels all over the world, has written many studies and the list goes on (I am still researching him). To tell you the truth, I am not impressed by accolades. Dr.' resume was impressive and look how that turned out.

I called Dr.'s office and spoke to his academic assistant Ya.mi, who has been with him for 20 years. I asked the usual questions, how many has he done -she does not keep count, but knows that he does them.
I then told her my story and asked her to visualize me as her daughter. I have had two losses, went through the emotional and physical aspects of those losses, having to cremate two babies and go through the process of grieving and so on. I then asked her if she would trust him with her daughter's life and her grandchildren's life, and not to answer based on an employee, but as a mother. She said without a doubt, yes. She says in my situation, he is the right person to see.
So, I have a consultation with him next Thursday (02/25) a 1:00 pm and I of course will be bring my list of questions and so on. Really, I am not holding my breath. I have been disappointed so many times that my expectations are extremely low.
Please keep the situation in your prayers and that His will be done and that his name will be exalted through it all.

Here's a sad joke for you - there is some application of that asks you questions. My twin sister posed this response.
Why would Marie most likely be arrested for? Going postal on an OB/GYN. How sad is this that my sister knows me so well. I am almost to that point ;-). So if you turn on the news and hear "crazy woman went postal on local OB/GYN", you will know its me. :-)

Don't forget to help me reach my goal by sponsoring me for March of Dimes. There are 80 more days left until the walk. To those of you who donated - THANK YOU. THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!! Your name has been entered in the giveaway and I am designing a Thank You card to send your way. You are all awesome!
Please remember that even $1.00 is appreciated, and that $1.00 makes a world of difference.

Awaiting my expected end.


  1. Stay strong. I'm praying for you and thinking of your precious angels. Remember that God has a plan for you and will guide you in the right direction if you let him. *hugs*

  2. Well you know from reading my post yesterday that I am fighting my anger right now as well. I am sorry that you had that flare up of anger, it never seems to go away.

    I wish you much luck for your dr's appt, I hope that you feel comfort and confidence once you meet with this new dr.

  3. Marie, I just want to give you a huge hug. I am thinking about you and hoping that you like this new doctor. I'll be positive for you as I can understand why you have so much doubt. Its so hard to be positive when you have been disappointed over and over. Thinking of you.

  4. Good grief. I really hope that this doctor works out Marie. I will pray that he has the expertise needed and that he blows you away. Also, can you ask Dr. Davis or Haney for a referral to someone they trust in Fla?