Wednesday, September 1, 2010

FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I have 3 minutes before the bell rings......
I stopped by the pharmacy on the way to work this morning because AF had not shown up (today is cycle day 32). AF came on Aug 1st, and ovulation happened on the 14th. We did nothing from the 12th to the 16th. I took the test the minute I walked in the classroom and left to check my mailbox all the while thinking it was going to be nothing. No such luck.
How the heck did this happen????? I have been so careful the past 13 months. I can pinpoint my ovulation day to the second. We avoid "doing the deed" until the danger zone has passed (at least thats what I label it).
I am freaking out and trying to compose myself, all to no avail and my first round of students come in in 2 minutes.....

I can hear the voices of my family members right now...."How did you let the happen? What were you thinking? Are you stupid? Your's husband's not working!"

Please no congratulations. I am back in school, my husband is not working, I am working extra hours..... it is such a bad time. How the hell did this happen.

Please again, no congratulations and no mention of this on face.book. Tears are streaming down my face and fear is now in my heart. I have no idea what the future holds......

What the heck is happening with my life?????

(please ignore any spelling errors. I am simply not functioning right now. How am I going to teach effectively today?)

29 comments:

  1. I won't say congratulations, but I will say God has His plan---His expected end. Trust Him, Marie. xoxo

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  2. Marie, I know you are just caught up in the emotions of everything right now...but girl...please. How could we not be thrilled for you? No job, so what God is HUGE. Extra work, so what God is MERCIFUL. Fear - psssshhhh...you have lived through worse, THE WORST...and God is Glorious! He is victorious. I'm praying for you right now, and I'm believing this is your miracle.

    For He knows the plans He has for you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Plans to PROSPER you an NOT TO harm you. (Jer 29:11)

    Nothing that happens to us, or comes our way is outside of God's watchful eye. I know in the depths of my soul that He is with you, and WILL NOT forsake you. EVER!!

    Is. 55:12
    May you go out in joy and be led forth in peace; may the mountains and the hills burst into song before you. And may all the trees of the field clap their hands.

    -Amanda

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  3. Honey, in God's time... I know you are scared, but God provides. He will. Take a deep breath and give your fears to the Cross of Jesus. And, even if I cant say "congrats" know that I feel that in my heart.
    xoxoxo

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  4. I'm just catching up on blogs and must say, FLOORED. (Of course, not as much as you!)

    And my heart is just aching for you because I can only imagine how this is so difficult--something that should be (and is, but overwhelming, right now) joyous and blissful is laden with so many real and valid concerns. Again, more evidence of how unfair it is that things we should revel in the joy of still can bring us worry and fear.

    So know that I have NO DOUBT that the sweet little life inside of you is proof that God's hand is in everything (especially those situations we feel we are in charge of!) and that without His purposing it, it would not be. And where God's love is, fear need not exist because His perfect love casts it out. I John 4:18

    Lifting you and loving you...
    xoxoxo

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  5. Marie,

    This is God's time and you can not avoid or side step his will. Just as he has placed this miracle in your womb, he will provide Larry with employment. Rejoice in the moment, take in the overwhelming thoughts and know that "HE PROVIDES".

    I look forward to walking this journey with you :)

    No congrats, but I will say this, I'm Happy for you!!! As for the relatives, fear not what they think...you are in control of your life sweet friend. You ARE responsible and remember "you can not challenge his will" :)

    Love to you,
    xoxoxo

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  6. you can and will get through it. Let me share a little of my story.

    I lost my first in march of 2007. My husband and I tried again and got pregnant in july 2007. In August 2007 for no apparent reason my husband left me. Then in Dec 2007 I lost my job. I had gone to being a pregnant married woman to a pregnant single mom who was unemployed. I was freaking out to say the least. zero income. Fast forward to today. everything worked out, sometimes I look back and wonder how. But it did and Im so thankful. im actually glad i went through it (not the loss of a child, the other stuff) because it taught me valuable lessons.

    I too will say I am happy for you and God has His plan. Hang in there. It will all work out.

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  7. Hi Marie. I am a lerker that has been reading your blog for sometime now and I want to share my story with you.
    I am a single mother of a 4yr old and a 5 yr old. On Dec 16th, 2009 the company I worked for closed and left me unemployed with my girls to care for and a mortgage to pay. Dec 16th is also the day I got pregnant with my son.
    I had decided to go back to school and found out I was prego the week before classes started. I was devastated! I had no idea what I was going to do, how I was going to do it or anything else. The baby's father tried to get me to abort the baby... it was a very shocking, dark time.
    BUT... fast forward 8 months. GOD has provided me with more blessings than I ever imagine possible. Through HIM, not only have I been able to make ends meet, I have more money in savings than I have ever had in my life! My classes are going wonderful, my grades are great, and in 2 days I will go have my c-section and meet my beautiful son for the first time.
    I know you are overwhelmed. I know you are freaking out. I know that somewhere in the back of your mind (even though you are trying not to) you are say "God, are you sure about this?" But in a few months, you will be more calm and will begin to see the pieces fall into place as the LORD works a beautiful puzzle in your life.

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  8. This little one is a miracle, and is in HIS plan. God's word says, " He never sees His rightous forsaken, or His children begging for bread." God always provides. It will all be ok. Even when things are not in our plan, they are in His hands!

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  9. Oh, my, I have goosebumps...

    I know you're scared and you have every right to be...God has a plan with everything and He will provide. He will see you through this, too ((HUGS))

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  10. Amen to the above comments!! With God in control, what can we fear? So happy for you. God bless!

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  11. I won't say congratulations, but I am going to echo everyone else. I believe you may have told me this a time or two...everything happens on God's timetable....God's timing. There is a reason why now is the time and how I hate that saying, but lately I am finding it so true. I will pray that God is with you and helps you figure out why now is the right time. Lots of love and hugs!!!!

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  12. Ohmigosh, I HATE being right! LOL!

    Marie, as someone who would give my right arm to be in your position (warts and all), I will say Congratulations! I have complete faith that God will provide in abundance for you, He will bless you as you have blessed so many of us with your caring words and support.

    Now stop freaking out already. They say it's not good for the baby.

    I love you, sister. And I'm rejoicing for that little miracle you hold within you. ((hugs))

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  13. I imagine you're scared and overwhelmed, but know that I am lifting you up in prayer right now. Prayer for calm for your soul, prayer for alleviation of your fears, prayer for understanding from those around you, prayer for a peace to know that God is in control. Also, a prayer that it's in the water and you send some my way :).

    Sending you love honey, and let us know when you're ready to celebrate, we're ready to jump for joy with you!!!

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  14. Sending love! I agree with everyone else. There is a plan for you. And, I will be here to support you along the way. xo

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  15. i have been thinking of this song, and i think you need it too.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bW_WsqKG6A

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  16. I won't say congratulations, but I will say that God is good, and His plan is perfect. I will be praying for peace, comfort, calm, and trust for you and your husband...and health for the precious little miracle growing inside you.

    I'm here for you, and I will be lifting you up my friend! Love you!!!

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  17. I have sat right where you are, twice! God definitely has His own plan! I will be praying for you. Add me on facebook, Michelle Zoller Karr. You can email me anytime! (((HUGS)))

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  18. ****BREATHE***** Now listen to what God has in store for you. Keeping you uplifted in prayer....

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  19. Take a deep breath...everything will be okay. I am going to tell you that I am happy for you and I know very soon you will be very happy too!

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  20. God will take care of you! Three of my sweet babies were unplanned! we made out just fine.
    I'm sending lots of love and prayers your way, Marie. Try to stay calm. You have had the operation to help you carry a pregnancy and that is a good thing to have on your side.
    I'm sending the biggest hugs to you!

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  21. Dear Marie - I happened across your blog and read it with a strange familiarity. The emotions it brought back were incredible. I too lost two babies long before their time and swore I would never try again. We adopted the most wonderful son. But one day, I got the same results on the preg. test and I remember those emotions so clearly. Scared, devastated, worried, etc. I'm not telling you anything I know. My husband had been laid off after being out of work for 6 months prior to this new job. I was the breadwinner for sure, then I had to stay in the hospital for 4 months. But like so many others have said before me, God's plan for you is to be a mother yet again. I send you hugs, comfort, and prayers that this time you and your husband will know happiness and peace throughout your whole pregnancy and beyond. Lean on your family and church for support as much as possible. You'll find people can be very kind hearted when you let them know you need support, financial and emotional. Many Prayers!

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  22. I can't wait to see what HE has in store for YOU!! xoxo
    Hang in there...you can do this!
    erin

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  23. Okay Marie, I am not going to say Congratulations, but i am going to say this. Yes it's a scary time yes the timing may be bad. But Remembert the GOD you serve is a MIGHTY GOD. He says in his word 1Cor.1:27
    But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;. So trust in God and know that it's gonna be just fine. He is holding you and your husband and this new precious blessing in his hands. Know that I am praying for you and your husband. Just continue to look to the Hills. God's got it and it's gonna be okay. Sending you Love and Lots of Hugs and if i could be there i would be wipping your tears. Love you Lots.

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  24. Marie,
    I know it has been a long time since we have talked but I want you to know that I checked your blog today and I have to echo what everyone else said. God is GREAT and His plans for us might not make sense or feel like the timing is right in OUR minds but to HIM all is well. He will guide you to where you need to be and He will hold you when you are too afraid to walk. God knows you are strong and that is why He chose right now for you. GOD IS GOOD and He will always guide you down the right path.

    I hope everything is well with you and your husband and I want you to know I am thinking of you and praying for you.

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  25. God's plan is perfect and he knows what we need and what we can handle. Don't tell God how big your problems are. Tell your problems how big your God is. This is something that I have a hard time remembering myself. My husband and I have lost three children: in 01 to a miscarriage at 12 weeks, in 07 to a stillbirth at almost 6 months, and in 09 at about 10 weeks. I have recently lost my Mom and I have been looking for a teaching job for three years. I am now scared to try for children but I pray that God's perfect plan includes them in my life. He will make things fall into place. I pray for peace and comfort for you and your husband.

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  26. just seeing this now, keeping you in my prayers and thoughts and hoping this is your "Expected End" (((((hugs))))

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  27. Whoa! Talk about a shocker!!! There's so much on you guys' plates right now so I'll be praying for you. God must know what He is doing and I'm praying for Him to guide you both and bring blessings your way.

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  28. Wow! WE need to talk or chat to each other real soon! Wow!!

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  29. Just came across your post. My husband and I are in your same boat. He is out of a job and I am teaching and going back to school. The only thing I can think of is this is God's will. We will make it through some how. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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