The Process...

..... to God's Best! This was the title of the message at church Today. Truthfully, I have been down lately. I keep asking myself why me? What he heck did I do to become this woman? The one known as "the lady who lost her babies?" Questions that I knew I would never get an answer to..... until today.

There was a visiting minister at church, and God used him to bless me. I am going to try my best to give you a synopsis of his message, and also include what I got from the message.
He spoke of Joseph. You all know the story - he was his fathers favorite, so much that he gave him a coat of many colors. Well his brothers were jealous. This jealousy led them to throw him in the well. Genesis 37:23 &24 sums it up well; And it came to pass, when Joseph was come unto his brethren, that they stripped Joseph out of his coat, his coat of many colors that was on him. And they took him, and cast him into a pit: and the pit was empty, there was no water in it. Well the story did not end there. Guilt overtook them and they went back to retrieve him, but lo and behold he was not there! A passing merchant helped Joseph out of the pit and sold him to the Ishmeelites. The brothers killed a goat, dipped his coat in the blood, and told their father that Joseph was dead.

I can relate to Joseph in this scripture. He felt betrayed! He who loved his brothers and would do anything for them, was betrayed by those same people he would have died for. After losing both babies, I felt betrayed! I had served God with my whole heart. I tithed faithfully. I went to church often. I told others about his goodness. He was not just a Savior to me, he was my friend.
I can imagine how Joseph felt in the pit. In the dark, probably stank, cold pit. This is grief for me. I can hear him bargaining with his brothers to not leave him there. Been there, done that.
We read this story many times, and only focus on the fact that Joseph was in the pit. But we don't often realize that he got the palace as well. He was made ruler! The minister made me realize that before Joseph got the palace, he ended up in the pit. The pit represents grief, loss of jobs, broken marriages, every thing that darkens our hearts and brings down our spirits. The palace represents what is eventually going to come our way. I don't know about you, but I cannot wait to get my palace (or my expected end).

One of the point that stuck with me is that "every child of God must experience what we feel is failure". Absolutely, Losing my babies is my failure. I always tell Larry that I feel as if I failed. The one thing that women should be able to do, I can't even do it. But, hope always abounds. The failure (grief/trials/loss of babies/irreparable marriage) does not stay forever, God is simply setting us up for his favor.
I might look like a failure, but my failure is the process to God's best!

My victory is wrapped up in my struggles! I am going to hold on to his word, to his promises. I declared that 2010 will be the year of promises fulfilled - and I am holding him to his word. He said, I will not withhold anything good from you, and I know that he is a God that does not lie. Psalm 89:34 says, My covenant will I not break, nor alter the thing that is gone out of my lips.
John 15:4 says, Abide in me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am going to keep casting my cares on him. I am going to stay faithful to him. I will no longer blame, but still rejoice. In spite of these "failures" I am going to praise him while I am in the pit, and hold on to hope that I will get the palace someday, somehow.
I will stop asking why, because I will never get any definite answers or answers that satisfy me, but I will continue to abide in his word, and the good thoughts he has towards me.
Romans 7:18 says, For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh), dwelleth no good thing; for to will is present with me, but how to perform which is good I find not.

The entire message blessed me today. So much that I just had to share. I leave you with this scripture; Psalm 91:14, Because you hath set your love upon me, therefore will I deliver you, I will set you on high, because you hath known my name. We serve an awesome God! We may not see our expected end yet, we may be asking if not now, when?, we may be anxious, downhearted, feel like a failure, feel like giving up, whatever it may be - he will deliver us, because we know who he is, and we know the type of God we serve. He will not withhold anything good from us, let us hold him to the promises that he made us.
I might look like a failure, but my failure is the process to God's best!
Awaiting my expected end.