Sunday, June 28, 2009


Hello ladies!

As many of you know, I am a member of an Incompetent Cervix Support Group. In the past few months, we have had a lot of BFPs and pregnancies that are going great with the help of a cerclage. However, we have also had 4 more losses (2 related to a failed cerclage, 1 an infant death, and another due to infection), and a few ladies who are struggling to hold on to hope. My heart grieves and even though I know everyone is different, I can't help but wonder if I will be one of the unlucky few. I know in my heart that if I trust God and be proactive, my outcome will be different, but the worry is always there.
Some of the things I worry about are change in cervical length, funneling, pre-term labor, hospital bedrest and another loss. I don't think I would ever be able to endure another loss. Though my worries are unfounded they are there none the less.

Every time another member experiences a loss, I go through their history to see what and if there are any similarities in their backgrounds and mine. I know, I am a little paranoid, but I cannot help it. I am a healthy 25 year old, I have never had an abortion, D&C, cone biopsy, leep procedure or any procedure other than a pap smear. My entire sexual history has only been wih my husband, so how weak can my cervix be????????

I have become a fear-filled, paranoid, hypochondriac. Every time the fear rises to the surface, I find myself reciting the scripture that says " for God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind"; It also does not help that it is the summer and my mind is going a mile a minute. During the days, I find myself searching the scriptures asking God to give me peace. The latest one I found was - Philippians 4:7 - And the peace of the Lord which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ.

I know I should not doubt God as he promised me that he will keep me in perfect peace as long as my mind is stayed on him, but every time I hear bad news, the doubt and fear surfaces. I have tried staying away from the forum but I seem to be addicted!
Am I crazy???? Is there anyone that can ease my mind???? I have heard the success stories and they give me hope, but the few that fail makes me quiver in fear. HELP save my sanity!!!!

Awaiting my expected end.


  1. Hi Marie-
    It stinks to have unexplained IC. I'm right there with you. Sometimes I don't think that's what caused my loss, but my doctor swears that's what happened. Have you checked out She has a lot of good advice about IC. She actually has an abdominal cerclage. Have hope! Its all we have, right?

  2. Awww...dear friend...I'm sorry that you're hurting is hard to not worry...even when we can talk everyday to the One who holds our futures.
    Plus as a fellow teacher, I definitely understand having free time for the mind to wander!! (hence more worry!)
    The verses you found are great...I need to write them down so I can recite them as well!
    I have been feeling down, just like you...thinking, well it hasn't worked yet...why would it work now? And reading people's blogs make me realize how much CAN go is very depressing...
    Hold on to the hope-filled stories...pray for the ones with less hopeful outcomes...He is in control...He is always with you!

  3. We all have lost our innocence, however we lost our babies, the fear never leaves us that this will happen to us again.

    I get paralyzed with fear when I think about losing this baby, and then I realize that the fear accomplishes nothing. I tell myself that God does have a plan and prepare myself for the road ahead. I want this baby so badly that I can't tell you...

    I'm pretty sure that this fear will continue until Abebe is placed alive, and safe in my arms...

  4. Awww, sorry I have no words of wisdom to share on this issue. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best. HUGS!

  5. You are such a strong spiritual woman and I think there are so many verses in the Bible about fear, worry and anxiety because they are such natural emotions! I find myself wavering between super strong faith, immense fear, and everywhere in between. I'm just glad to know that at the end of the day, despite my emotions, God is in control!

  6. P.S. Please check out my blog when you have the chance, I've nominated you for an award! :)

  7. Wow! This entry brought back many uncertain memories. Pleaes know that everything that you are feeling is normal. I lost my first son Jemir at 20 weeks due to IC. I can't begin to tell you how much I hate her (IC that is). My husband and I were blessed to have a healthy baby boy after a cerclage was placed back in 2008. Not a day goes by that I remember where I came from with the IC and where I'd been. Keep looking to God for answers and HE will provide!!! I will keep you uplifted in prayers!

  8. Oh honey, I know what you are going through. I lost my son at 22 weeks to IC. But we had an unexpected end when God blessed us again with twins. With a cerclage and 6 months bedrest we were able to carry them to 35 weeks. I pray you get your miracle. If you want their whole story see my blog