I Have Loved You From the Very Start

I loved you from the very start…

You stole my breath, embraced my heart.

Our life together has just begun,

You’re part of me, my little one.

As mother with child, each day I knew

My mind would be filled with thoughts of you.

I’m daydreaming of the things we’ll share,

Like late-night bottles and teddy bears.

Like first steps and skinned knees,

Like bedtime stories and ABC’s.

I’m thinking of things you’ll want to know,

Like how birds fly and flowers grow.

I’ve thought of lessons I’ll need to share,

Like standing tall and playing fair.

When I first see your precious face,

I’ll pray your life be touched with grace.

I’ll thank the angels from above,

And promise you unending love.

Each night I’ll lay you down to sleep,

I’ll gently kiss your head and cheek.

I’ll count your little fingers and toes,

I’ll memorize your eyes and nose.

I will linger at your nursery door,

Awed each day that I love you more.

Through misty eyes, I’ll dim the light,

And whisper, “I love you” every night.

As mother with child our journey’s begun,

My heart’s yours forever, little one.

I loved you from the very start…

You stole my breath, embraced my heart.

Awaiting my expected end,

Marie

Big Step!

Call me crazy or call me optimistic (I choose optimism). This morning hubby and I made a HUGE step (huge to us). We removed two large rubber.maid containers from the back of the closet. What are in these containers you may ask? All my maternity clothes that I wore with Alyssa-Joy and Evan. We removed all my "regular" clothes from the hangers, folded them, and replaced them with the mounds of maternity clothes I had stored.

Truly, my regular clothes were not cutting it anymore. No one knows that I am pregnant and I usually cover my "regular" clothes with a large sweater. It seems that my bump grew overnight and the choice was made to start wearing the maternity outfits. We still choose to not tell anyone until 24 weeks.

I consider this a huge step and I am optimistic that I will get to enjoy wearing them for the next 4 and a half months.

Awaiting my expected end,

Marie

More...

Today I am 20 weeks, 4 days. I am more pregnant than I have ever been in the past. I am quite emotional today with gratitude, elation, and I'm somewhat relieved. Two major milestones have passed and now the countdown begins to 24 weeks (only 30 days away). It is so close I can smell it. I am really starting to believe that we will being this baby home.

For I know the thoughts I think towards you Saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

Awaiting my expected end,

Marie

Appointment Update

Psalm 147:13 - For he hath strengthened the bars of thy gates; he hath blessed thy children within thee.

My heavens! Cervix is measuring 4.03 cm! Praise God! It has been consistently measuring at 3.5 and now, 2 weeks later it is 4.03 cm. All I can say is wow! Everything looks good, I gained 3lbs total (177) so far and blood pressure is good.

Baby weighs 13 oz , is measuring 2 days ahead, and everything looks good. The downside is my next appointment is in 4 weeks instead of 2 weeks. Thats okay, I can always ask my OB for a c/l check for peace of mind. The MFM did remind to keep taking it easy, as some women when they see their cervical length remaining stable, they start to act like a normal pregnant women. Um... does he know who is talking to? The Queen of Anxious! I will definitely not be taking any liberties.

I did promise myself that I will relax after this appointment, so now I am trying to find a way to reward myself. What to do or buy? Any suggestions?

In other news, I am planning a slumber party for the women in my family and have no idea what to do. Yes, can you believe I have never attended a slumber party so I need some suggestions or advice on some things to do. Thanks!

Awaiting my expected end,

Marie

1 Down, 1 to Go...

Sorry it took so long to update gang! I have had so much to do preparing for the winter break. :-)

Well, I made it through the first milestone. It was nerve-wracking to say the least. I prayed a lot last Wednesday, sat a lot, pleaded a lot, and drank TONS of water. Praise God, I made it through.

Had an appointment on Thursday (no u/s, just regular OB appointment), and according to the nurse I gained TEN pounds. Ummm no. I don't agree. I weigh myself every morning and my scale says 3lbs and besides it was 50 degrees that day and I had on many layers. When she told me that, my blood pressure shot through the roof! Heartbeat was well and fundal height was right on target.

My next milestone is this coming Wednesday (20 week, 3 days). I have an appointment with the MFM tomorrow morning at 8:30 am and as usual, my heart is doing the anxiety ridden tap dance. I did promise myself that if my 20 week u/s showed a stable cervix, I was going to *try* to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. I have been doing really well with laying down as much as possible and taking it easy. Hoping for a good appointment and a stable cervical length measurement tomorrow! Praising God for his goodness and grace.

For those of you with a cerclage (vaginal or abdominal), did your Dr. apply pressure to the stomach when measuring the cervical length? When I was pregnant with Evan, at my 20 week appointment, the MFM applied pressure to my stomach and that is when we noticed the cerclage was failing and the sac was descending. Of course we know how that ended, so I am undoubtedly nervous that he will apply pressure. Is this customary for them to do?

Brief note - hubby and I are back at square one :-(. They were not approved to advertise for the position and the hiring department was apologetic and stated that when they do get additional funding they will keep him in mind. Bummer! We are okay though. We are trusting God and his plans. Please pray for my husband. It is hard for a man who is used to working from the age of 16 to suddenly not working for 8 months. He is getting discouraged so please whisper his name when you meet with the Master in your secret place.

Thanks in advance gang and I will update you after my appointment tomorrow.

Awaiting my expected end,

Marie

19 weeks, 3 days

Well, its here and boy am I nervous! Hoping I get through the day unscathed without any mental breakdowns. Hubby and I got up early this morning to pray and I left my house singing "create in me a clean heart and purify me....". This song keeps resonating in my head and heart this morning. I covet your prayers eagerly this morning.

Also, please pray for hubby as he goes in today to negotiate his salary for his new job. We are praying for favor with this matter. If he can get to as close to what he was making before, we will be grateful.

Psalm 5:12
Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

Thank you so very much.

Awaiting OUR expected end,

Marie

The Dreaded Gestation.....

..... is here! Yikes!

I am 19 weeks 1 day today. In 2008, I went in to labor with Alyssa-Joy at 19 weeks, 3 days and she was delivered and returned to our Savior at 19 weeks, 4 days. In 2009, Evan died from an infection at 20 weeks, 2 days and was delivered at 20 weeks, 3 days. To say that so far I am an emotional wreck is an understatement. I keep reminding myself; "I have the TAC! I have the TAC! I have the TAC! I have the TAC! I have the TAC!"

Please pray for my sanity these next few days as the apprehension is at an all time high (through the roof actually). I want to blink and these next two weeks have passed.

In other news, 4 more school days until Christmas vacation, 7 more days until my next c/l measurement, 5 more weeks until 24 weeks............

Oh Lord, thou hast searched me and known me.

Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thoughts afar off. - Psalm 139

Awaiting my expected end (great c/l and still working!)

Marie