Follow-Up Appointment

Last week I got a call back from the OB's office saying that they will not see me for the post OP because they will not get paid for it. After going back and forth with them I just said "stuff it" (not in so many words though). Even though my OB said to see him when the procedure was done, they still refused to honor my appointment.

I still needed to make sure that my incision was healing well, and that all was well, and there was no way I was going back to Gainesville just for a 5 minute appointment, so I made an appointment with my PCP.

Poor fellow, he knows nothing about TAC's so all he could do was look at the incision and say "its healing well!". I had no ultrasound because the tech had no clue what to look for, where to look, and so on. So here I still sit with no idea of what the TAC looks like inside me, where it is placed, how high, get a cervical length check, nothing. I sill have not received the transcript of the procedure nor the pics (and the Dr. is on vacation), so I am ALMOST tempted to call one of those independent facilities that do ultrasounds and have them see me, but with my luck, they probably have no idea what to look for either!

Thanks to all of you who still check up on me though. I am doing great! We are still not TTCing, but will meet with the MFM and OB sometime over the summer to come up with a plan for when we do start trying. I want to make sure that I am getting the best possible care during the next pregnancy and that every facet is covered and a plan in place.

In other exciting news ----------------------------8 more days of school left! Wheeeeeeeeee! I am excited to be able to sleep in (just a little) deep clean our house, organize the closets, shred, file, store, the whole nine yards. What an exciting summer it will be. :-)

And just because some of you asked, no my honey did not find a job yet. The dream job that he had applied for, he called and asked about the status of his application, and they let him know that right now there is a freeze on hiring but as soon as it is lifted, he will be getting a call for an interview.

I just know that call is coming soon. He had a dream Tuesday night and the Bible does state that in the last days....."young men shall dream dreams and see visions". I won't go into detail about the dream but when he was describing the dream, all I kept saying was "wait your turn". God is amazing. He is truly preparing us for something. I may get frustrated with him , but God is still up to something, and I cannot wait to see it come to fruition. He also sent confirmation through someone else. He went t to another church to see a visiting pastor, and the pastor sought him out after the service. The pastor said that there are 3 things he has been praying about, and she wanted him to know that they are about to come to pass. Now, he has never told anyone about these three specific things he has been praying about (not even me!), but for this perfect stranger to approach him and encourage him about these three things can only be confirmation for me. The three things? A healthy live baby :-), a great job, and financial security. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for us!>

Continue to keep us both in prayer,

Awaiting my expected end.

March for Babies

March for babies is a wonderful event that champions a cause that is near and dear to my heart. Last year I could not participate because I was on bed rest, and this year I could not walk because of just having done the TAC. Despite not being able to walk, I was determined to participate in this years festivities. A big THANKS to all of you that donated - we raised $278- and although it may not seem as much to some of us, this small amount made a significant difference and I know it made a difference in someones life.

I was disappointed but Larry and I made the most of it. I was disappointed that I could not participate in the 6 mile walk (11 days after surgery), but I was mostly disappointed that not one of the 6 other team members showed. They all backed out at the last minute. Despite this, Larry and I were determined to honor the memory of our babies. Even though the others did not show, the two most important people were there - Alyssa-Joy and Evan's mommy and daddy.

We wore our signature blue as well as our angel pins. We sat under the family teams tent and cheered the families that crossed the finish line.

Throughout the event, I found myself reading the ambassadors signs (and there were many!). Children who were born at 22, 23, 24 and up weeks. I kept thinking "if only.....". I was amazed at the 22 weeker who is now a vibrant 3 year old. I marveled at the triplets born at 24 weeks, and though I know their first few months of life were rough, I know there parents are grateful to have them here.

Towards the end, the hosts did a butterfly release for all the angel babies and gave the angel parents a butterfly memorial. When they called Alyssa-Joy's and Evan's names, the tears fell. You don't know how much it meant to us to have their lives acknowledged. I felt valued and I felt that their lives were valued. A beautiful poem was read that left all the attendees in tears.

It was a beautiful event that had great food, great people, and miracle babies. I cannot wait to plan next year and hope to raise even more. I am going to start saving my pennies from now so that I can make the first donation.

Again, thank you to all who donated. I hope next year more of you will walk. If not for your own angel babies, for your neighbors, friends, your children. Walk so that your children and grandchildren never have to face what we have faced.

I do not have many pictures because someone (who shall remain nameless) broke my camera. Here is one picture from that memorable day. Not the best quality, but the best I could get from Larry's phone.

My March of Dimes pin.

Awaiting my expected end.

I'm Baaaaaccckkkkkkkk!

Thanks for checking up on my ladies! I am doing well. I have been absent from the blogsphere sue to the fact that I was preparing for my g-pa's funeral. There is so much to talk about, and I have no idea where to start, so I will be breaking up the posts over the next couple days to spare you. ha!

First off, WHAT ARE YOU ALL DRINKING????!!!!! I have read tons of pregnancy announcements, and have counted about 18 of you expecting. A big congrats to all of you. Though I am extremely happy for you all and will keep you in prayer, I can't help but feel a little blue wishing I were in your shoes (hey! that rhymes! :-0). I am extremely excited to travel this journey to your expected end with all those that are expecting. By the way.....Marie is a great name (or Maria, or Mario) whatever suits your fancy. :-)

Hubby is still not working, but we are okay. I have had my moments of "how long will this last?", but I have to remind myself that God is still in control of everything and he meets our needs before we even know we need it. I must say I serve a NEVER failing God! I discovered last week that my last paycheck will only be for 4 days (cue pandemonium - picture all the teachers at my school going crazy - now picture me going crazy - got that picture? good)! Of course, I freaked out. Yes, we have the money to cover the shortfall, but I did not want to touch our savings that early. I kept saying though, "I'm going to trust him". On my way to work this morning, something told me to check the mail box (that still small voice? intuition?). Imagine my surprise when there was a check from my mortgage company for....................... exactly 5 days worth of pay! Yes. I could not believe it either! It took me a while.....cleaning my glasses, rubbing my eyes, holding it to the light....before I finally convinced myself that it was a real check. How good is God? There is no way anyone can convince me that he is not real, nor that he desires nothing but good for us. We apparently paid too much into our escrow account last year, and they are refunding 50% of the surplus. There I was getting ready to panic, but he was working it out for our good before I even knew I needed it. Thank you Lord for reminding me that you show up right on time!

I know Mother's day is long gone, but I hope you all had a peaceful day. My day was crappy, but I am praising God anyway for the good things. The 1st Mothers day after my first loss, was memorable, the second one, not so great. Despite that, God is still good and I cannot wait to see what he has in store for us.

I am healing nicely from the TAC. I am off the pain meds, I am now driving again, walking upright, sneezing, coughing, and the works with no pain. I go for my follow up next week and hopefully I can get an US to see the "anchor" that the Lord used the Dr.'s to place. Of course, I will keep you all updated.

I am catching up on blogposts, and will create a few more posts over the next few days about March for Babies and my trip to JA.

Be blessed, and thank you all for thinking of me and checking up on me.

Awaiting my expected end.

Best Wishes

Today I wish you all a Gentle Mothers Day. I know that this day can be hard, especially for those with recent losses. Praying and wishing you all a peaceful day.

Awaiting my expected end.

9 Days Post OP and General Update

Hi friends!

I must say I am feeling good. I stopped taking the Per.cocet 3 days post op and have now whittled down to 400mg of Ibup.rofen daily. I feel the stretching and burning at the incision site, but have been reassured that it is normal. I did have a scare on Monday though. I woke up from a nap (one of many-ha!) and noticed some brownish discharge on my white undies by the incision site (btw - I am loving the granny panties right now! Who would have thought?) and I freaked out. Truthfully they were 2 or 3 pin sized drops (yes, I know I am a hypochondriac), but when hubby looked at it, he made me freak out even more! Knowing that I should be looking for signs of infection (fever, odor, discharge, warmth at the incision site - which I had none of), I immediately called my R.N stepmother to rush over to our condo, who reassured me all was well with the incision and a little discharge is normal - whew! I should only be worried if it was a good amount, runny and accompanied by fever and chills. It never hurts to be safe huh?

Anyway, I am feeling well and will be going back to work tomorrow. I got up early this morning to move around more and get some minor stuff done (no lifting or bending) to get myself prepared tomorrow. Even though I have an assistant, he is not the greatest, but I will try my best to "take it easy" which for someone with a "type A" personality is quite hard.

On the other hand, hubby was laid off on Tuesday. I am not worried (yet), because as you all remember he is married to the cheapest woman in the world! ha! I like to pinch pennies and have been doing so all year. We do have a rainy day fund, so we are covered for quite a while. Also, I am married to a hard working man who hates sitting on his behind, and he has already filled out 2 applications and has an interview Friday morning to renew his security license so that he can do something until he gets the position he wants. I thank God that he has allowed us to be in this position because many have it worse than we do. We have always lived off of one person's salary, so we will be okay for a few months in relation to the savings we have. I was a bit panicked at first because I felt it would affect us buying a house, TTC-ing, and so on. But now I believe that it is all lining up as part of God's plan. Hubby has wanted to leave that position for a while, especially after the new manager came on board, but I was always afraid for him to leave. I kept reminding him of the economy, the first hired, the first fired, and so on.

Despite me warning him, he was still looking. On Saturday, we looked at a few prospects and there were no openings, but on Tuesday, we looked again after he got the "call" and there were 2 openings! We (meaning I) quickly applied for the position and we are believing that he will get this position. This is the position he has always wanted ( better benefits, more money, flexible schedule for him to return to school, and they pay for you to go to school!). We are believing that this is all a part of God's plan and for some reason, I just know that he is about to work it out for our good. We have decided that since we KNOW that God is about to do something big, that we are still going forth with our house hunting. Please pray and believe with us that he gets this coveted position, and praise God with us that one of us still has a job. I am reminded daily that so many others have no income at all, and they have more than one child (!), so I am grateful to God for his goodness towards us. We are praising him for this termination because he is about to do something big and we cant wait. Please pray and believe with us.

We were originally going to start TTC-ing in a few months (July/August), and when (hear the positive thinking and faith gals?) he gets this job and gets settled comfortably, we will begin TTC-ing. When that will be? No clue, but I am excited for him, and I am relieved to have a few more months to get my body to the place it needs to be. I cannot go to the gym and do any hard workout for the next 10 weeks! That means no Spin, no Zumba, and no Latin Spice - all the classes I love (I can feel the withdrawals already -ha) I am going to see if at my follow up appointment in 2 weeks, if the Dr. will agree to some light cardio.

I came across this quote this morning and had to share it with you, as I know the lord led me to this. It was in one of those "Daily bread" booklets that hubby gets in the mail that I never read.

It talks about longing for spring. When things look bleak, we hear ourselves saying, "when such and such happens, then I will...., or If only so and so...., I would be happy if......, or I would be satisfied with...." The writer reminded me that; We are where we need to be and learning what we need to learn. Stay the course because the things that we experience today will lead us to where he needs us to be tomorrow (Ron Ash). Praise God!

Oh- remember that test? I passed! Hallelujah! Alana asked a question I want to address. She wanted to know if they will put me in a general education classroom if I now have this certification. Not necessarily. I will still be a special education teacher in a special ed environment, but it expands my marketability, and increases my options should "surplussing" come my way. I am now thinking of doing the middle and high certification as well.

Awaiting my expected end.

International Baby Lost Mothers Day

Growing up, I was naive. It never entered my thoughts that babies can die. When I got married I knew babies could pass away, but I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought it would happen twice. I never thought that I would have to shield my heart from insensitive comments. I never thought I would have to "explain" how my babies died to those around me.

I never thought my heart could love two people so much without even meeting them that it feels as if it could explode with happiness. I never thought I could feel so much pain. I never thought I could be this strong.

I never in my wildest dreams thought that those around me would forget or even not consider me a mother. I am a mother! Does a mother not carry her children close to her heart? Does a mother not wince and ache when something happens to her children? Does a mother not miss her children when they are not near? I do. I miss them and more. I ache for them and more. I carry them close to my heart. I also gave them back to a maker that loves them with every fiber of his being and reminds me that children are a heritage.

I never thought I would join such a powerful community of women like me. Women who experience the same emotions as I do. Women who hurt like I do. Women how have been through the same experience twice, three times, four times, five, six, even seven, and are still standing. I never thought I would meet these same women who have become so important to me, who would walk with me, hold me up, be my comfort, a shoulder to cry on. Women who just say "I am thinking about you....praying for you", and its not only "lip service" but they actually do. Women who are forever united by heart.

Today Sunday May 2nd, I thank God for all of you. Though I would never wish for anyone to join this "club", I thank God that I have found you and you walk this experience with me. Today I wish you all a Gentle International Baby Lost Mothers Day. I am not even sure "happy" is the word to use. There is nothing happy about this day. We should be celebrating "happy" birthdays, "happy" milestones, not BLMD. But, it is a day that we reflect. It is a day to let us know we are mothers. It is a day to let us know we are all beautiful. It is a day to remember that we were blessed with perfect babies who knew no sin. It is a day to honor our children. So, again, Gentle International Baby Lost Mothers Day to all my sisters.

I encourage all of you to join today's Radio Show - Anchored by Hope. Carly Dudley, the backbone behind IBLMD will be guest speaker at 4pm central time, and I will be in the chat room as well. I hope to see you there. For more information visit http://anchoredbyhopeministry.blogspot.com/ or copy and paste the link below.

http://bit.ly/c3G5fQ

Awaiting my expected end.

3 days Post Op and TAC Story

Psalm 147:13 - For he hath strengthened the bars of thy gates; he hath blessed thy children within thee.

I must say, I am one happy lady! 3 days after the surgery I am happy as can be. The pain.... well thats another story. As long as I take my pain meds and walk around as much as possible, I am ok.

I woke up Tuesday Morning, and can happily say that I was not nervous! In fact, I could not stop smiling. After we got settled and the paper work out of the way, the Dr.'s came in, I asked the remaining questions I had, and then they walked me through everything including the possible complications (I could die, blood clots, stroke, hysterectomy, it may not work etc., - what a way to prepare me before going in to surgery!) Despite this, I was determined to not let the devil steal my joy. After they wheeled me into the OR, they asked me to verify my name, date of birth, and procedure I was having done, to which I proudly and loudly stated - "I am having the Trans Abdominal Cerclage to help me carry a baby to term!". They all cheered and after taking 3 breaths as instructed and trying to picture a happy dream, and pleading with them that whatever secrets come out my mouth, they are to stay in the OR (ha!) - I was out.

I woke up in the recovery room, and all I could remember was thinking someone kicked me in the gut with a steel toe boot! I felt the pain, but when I tried to speak, I had no voice (from that darned oxygen tube!). I immediately started thanking God in my mind and it spilled from my lips. The thought I was crazy-ha!- but I was thanking my God for bringing me through and for placing that "anchor: around my cervix. Apparently I was in and out for the next few hours, and when I finally woke up and asked for hubby and some pain meds (in some order), the anesthesiologist told me that when he pulled the tube out my mouth, I turned my body to the side and let loose of all the contents in my stomach, which explained the added pain at the incision site.

Larry stated to me once we were alone, that all 3 Dr.'s came out smiling and were happy with the placement. I will spare you the specifics, but I spent the next 2 days in the hospital being monitored, walking to get the gas out (oh the gas!), getting the use of my bowels back, and we hit the road Thursday to come back home.

I am in more pain it seems a home. At the hospital I had a high pain tolerance. I am sitting up more, but it hurts to turn, hurts when I first stand up, sit down, and I feel like an old woman. Like I told Cecilia, it will sooooooo be worth it.

Below are some pictures, please forgive my terrible appearance. I am sad that I did not get a picture with all the Dr.'s, especially Dr. Rod.riguez. Though she is young and no as experienced as Dr. Han.ey or Dr. Dav.is, deep in my heart know we made the right choice, and I know she is going to be an awesome TAC surgeon. My experience with all 3 Dr.'s were phenomenal and I would not trade this experience for anything.

If there was any trace of doubt in our minds or hearts about their competence, it has diminished after the care we received and the experience we had with these individuals.

I continue t thank God for his goodness, for leading me to these Dr.'s, and for friends like you all. Thanks for the texts, the fb messages, the emails, the calls-they are all appreciated. I am excited to have you all walk this journey to my expected end with me.

Not sure why they are out of order, and I am in too much pain to figure out blogger, but you get the "picture".

The view from our room.
I don't remember this, but Larry says this is the first thing I did when I woke up and asked for him. hmm. Side note-ladies! see that beard? I have been trying to get him to get rid of it. any suggestions? ha!

One of the amazing Dr.'s that took care of me - Dr. Troph.

Walking for the first time - trying to get rid of the gas. Not.fun.at.all.
Just waking up from the anesthesia.
Settled in our room. In pain, but smiling. Nothing could steal my joy. Thank you Jesus!

Right before being wheeled into the OR.

Again, thank you so much for the prayers, comments, and inquiries. They are so appreciated, and I am glad you are all a part of this journey.

Psalm 147

¹Praise ye the LORD: for it is good to sing praises unto our God; for it is pleasant; and praise is comely.

²The LORD doth build up Jerusalem: he gathereth together the outcasts of Israel.

³He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

⁴He telleth the number of the stars; he calleth them all by their names.

⁵Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite.

⁶The LORD lifteth up the meek: he casteth the wicked down to the ground.

⁷Sing unto the LORD with thanksgiving; sing praise upon the harp unto our God:

⁸Who covereth the heaven with clouds, who prepareth rain for the earth, who maketh grass to grow upon the mountains.

⁹He giveth to the beast his food, and to the young ravens which cry.

¹⁰He delighteth not in the strength of the horse: he taketh not pleasure in the legs of a man.

¹¹The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.

¹²Praise the LORD, O Jerusalem; praise thy God, O Zion.

¹³For he hath strengthened the bars of thy gates; he hath blessed thy children within thee.

¹⁴He maketh peace in thy borders, and filleth thee with the finest of the wheat.

¹⁵He sendeth forth his commandment upon earth: his word runneth very swiftly.

¹⁶He giveth snow like wool: he scattereth the hoarfrost like ashes.

¹⁷He casteth forth his ice like morsels: who can stand before his cold?

¹⁸He sendeth out his word, and melteth them: he causeth his wind to blow, and the waters flow.

¹⁹He sheweth his word unto Jacob, his statutes and his judgments unto Israel.

²⁰He hath not dealt so with any nation: and as for his judgments, they have not known them. Praise ye the LORD.

Awaiting my expected end.