Growing up, I was naive. It never entered my thoughts that babies can die. When I got married I knew babies could pass away, but I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought it would happen twice. I never thought that I would have to shield my heart from insensitive comments. I never thought I would have to "explain" how my babies died to those around me.
I never thought my heart could love two people so much without even meeting them that it feels as if it could explode with happiness. I never thought I could feel so much pain. I never thought I could be this strong.
I never in my wildest dreams thought that those around me would forget or even not consider me a mother. I am a mother! Does a mother not carry her children close to her heart? Does a mother not wince and ache when something happens to her children? Does a mother not miss her children when they are not near? I do. I miss them and more. I ache for them and more. I carry them close to my heart. I also gave them back to a maker that loves them with every fiber of his being and reminds me that children are a heritage.
I never thought I would join such a powerful community of women like me. Women who experience the same emotions as I do. Women who hurt like I do. Women how have been through the same experience twice, three times, four times, five, six, even seven, and are still standing. I never thought I would meet these same women who have become so important to me, who would walk with me, hold me up, be my comfort, a shoulder to cry on. Women who just say "I am thinking about you....praying for you", and its not only "lip service" but they actually do. Women who are forever united by heart.
Today Sunday May 2nd, I thank God for all of you. Though I would never wish for anyone to join this "club", I thank God that I have found you and you walk this experience with me. Today I wish you all a Gentle International Baby Lost Mothers Day. I am not even sure "happy" is the word to use. There is nothing happy about this day. We should be celebrating "happy" birthdays, "happy" milestones, not BLMD. But, it is a day that we reflect. It is a day to let us know we are mothers. It is a day to let us know we are all beautiful. It is a day to remember that we were blessed with perfect babies who knew no sin. It is a day to honor our children. So, again, Gentle International Baby Lost Mothers Day to all my sisters.
I encourage all of you to join today's Radio Show - Anchored by Hope. Carly Dudley, the backbone behind IBLMD will be guest speaker at 4pm central time, and I will be in the chat room as well. I hope to see you there. For more information visit http://anchoredbyhopeministry.blogspot.com/ or copy and paste the link below.
http://bit.ly/c3G5fQ
Awaiting my expected end.
What a beautiful post, Marie. Everything you said, so true. Thank you for the reminder about the radio show :)
ReplyDeleteXOXO
So perfectly said! Thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteMarie,
ReplyDeleteSo beautifuly said...
Much Love,
xoxo
What a beautiful and perfect post. *huge hugs*
ReplyDeleteAnd you are soooo right! It's not just lip service!!! Praying, lifting, supporting and loving you!
ReplyDeleteahhh the famouse Marie!! correct me if im wrong, but were we instant messaging together in the blogradio chat room? did you win a prize? i just noticed I had a new follower and decided to read your story, did i expect it to hit me so hard...yes, this hard NO...your daughter and my daughter have the same NAME!! Your name is her middle name, as well as my sister's name!! I am so sorry we had to meet this way and not in an obnoxious baby blog talking about burping etc....I wish I was obnoxious...lol...instead I am here on your blog crying for you and the loss of your two sweet babies...I have no words for you THERE ARE NO MAGIC WORDS....You are a beautiful person, Your babies are so precious...and I pray for your rainbow if and when you take that step..."gentle" is the exact better word than happy, happy is not something that we can feel about getting this day, I did feel proud though of all the mommies who came together yesterday...xoxoxo thinking of you..are you on FB?
ReplyDeleteMarie, I just found your blog, which is surprising considering how many lovely ladies we have in common together. I am so sorry for your losses and pray for your heart to feel peace with your angels. You wrote a beautiful post and you are a beautiful mother. Prayer and hugs to you xxx Nan
ReplyDeleteMarie try finding me on FB i can not find you with the info you left its antoinettestabile@msm.com or Antoinette Evola xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteMy granddaughter Sarah Died November 24 2009, you blog is very touching to me. She is a Mommy and I am a Grandma, people forget sometimes and it makes it hard. I hope tomorrow is not to difficult for you. I will be praying for you and your husband to have the joy of a healthy baby soon! I hope you get a houseful!
ReplyDeleteI found This poem. I lost my son on July 30th 2009 at 9pm. He was 23 weeks 5 days and was so beautiful. I know how you feel and all though it has only been a week for me I hope my pain fades. I will always remember my son Joshua. I just wish people would stop telling me how every thing happens for a reason and that God does everything for a reason. I feel that I have a space in my soul that I cant fill even tough I have 3 other kids to be strong for. I am always putting on a strong face for my kids , family ,and friends but only some one else who has gone through this can understand. GOD BLESS YOU SWEETIE my you heal at your own time
ReplyDeleteI thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today
I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say ...
A Mother has a baby, this we know is true.
But God, can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, he replied with confidence in His voice,
I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day
And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this, God, I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat; and then, I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile with other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons of Love and Life and Fear,
My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here ...
I feel so lucky to have a Mom, who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly, My mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much but I visit her each day
when she goes to sleep, on her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; and whisper in her ear
Mommy, don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So, you see, my dear sweet one, your children are okay
Your babies are here in my home; And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with me, until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home; they'll be at the gates for you.
So, now you see what makes a Mother, it's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of; right from the very start
Happie Mother's Day - 12 May 2013
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