Sunday, June 27, 2010

Hello all! THANK YOU, THANk YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, for checking up on me, sending me sweet messages, words of encouragement, sending good thoughts and prayers my way.
Sorry for also "dropping off the face of the earth", but I honestly needed to go into prayer mode. I needed to reevaluate my life, thinking, relationships with my inlaws, and just make sure that I was not being selfish/dramatic/rash (whatever you want to call it).

I know I left a lot of you in the dark, but here is a brief history. Hubby and I started courting in 2005. Through our entire relationship, my MIL has disliked me. You think I am exaggerating? The woman did not even come to my wedding. The kicker? She saw us the day after the wedding in Tar.get getting last minute stuff for our honeymoon, and did not say "congratulations", "how are you doing", etc. She saw us, because I saw her watching us in the store and she never came over. After I pointed her out to hubby we went over to make small talk and she quickly frittered away.
Why does she not like me? According to her: "I'm too educated". What????? Does she know how hard I worked for my degrees? Does she know how hard I have pushed myself over the years? I will NEVER apologize for my education. She equates education with being "stuck up". My father left school at 8 grade to join the army, my husband has a high school diploma. For me to look down on others without a degree would make a hippocrite. I saw how my father struggled to raise the four of us (soldier by day, taxi cab driver by night), and vowed that I would never struggle as much as he did. My father also pushed us to go to college because he did not want us to struggle. Today all four of his children have college degrees. Now I have been nothing but kind to my MIL, but there comes a time when enough is enough. I get tired of making the first move only to be ignored or insulted. When I was in the hospital giving birth, she never showed up or called. Over the following days, not even a text message. When I was blissfully pregnant with Alyssa-Joy and was thinking ahead, hubby asked her if she would be able to watch her for 2 hours until I got off of work. Her response? " I am not watching anybody's child".

Every month, she needs something and who does she call? Larry. She has 4 other children, and she always calls Larry. This is a woman who gets alimony, disability, social security, and is still fairly young (56 years old). Every month, I bite my tongue and let him do. Sure, once in a while I will complain, but for the most part, I just grumble to myself in the shower. After all, aren't we our brother's keeper? Why not give away our hard earned money to someone who can't stand me for no reason at all. And yes, I know there are two sides to every story, but believe me when I say, I have done nothing to this woman.
Well, I finally said enough is enough. She called hubby again asking for money. What ticked me off, is she KNOWS he is not working, yet she still calls him when she has 4 other children (one of which who claims that she earns $2,000 weekly). I put my foot down and said no. I am tired of getting into fights with my husband over this woman. I had finally had enough. I will spare you the details, but it got ugly and we both said things that probably should not have been said.
The conclusion to the whole matter is that we will be seeing someone. Divorce is not an option for me. I have nothing against it, but my husband knew from day one that there would not be any divorce in this marriage. I made an appointment with a christian marriage counselor for this Wednesday to help us sort out/learn to deal with in-law interference. Someone put it well in a blogpost (sorry, I forgot who) - the devil is running interference, and it must come to a stop. My hope from speaking to this counselor is that he will see it from my perspective, and vice versa. I will keep you all updated.

So for now, I have cut her out of my life. I refuse to have toxic relationships! I am done making an effort, and will simply love her from afar.
Again, thank you for the prayers, comments, prayers and well wishes.


I am now officially on vacation! The last two weeks I have facilitating a grant funded program at work and now I am FREE!!!!! My goal for this summer is to clean/ de-clutter my house, and blog at least every other day.
Please continue to keep us in prayer.

Awaiting my expected end.

18 comments:

  1. (Hugs) Your mother in law doesn't sound like she deserves to even have you in her life. I hope and pray that she will one day appreciate you for who you are and what you've done.

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  2. Oh Marie, it is so good to hear from you. Mother in Laws can be...horrible! I hope that you and Larry are able to work through this and see that you are really both on the same side. Praying for you both. Hope you enjoy your vacation!

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  3. Many prayers, your monster doesn't deserve to have you in her life. I am sorry that she thinks its ok to treat you the way she does! ((hugs))

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  4. Ugh, your MIL sounds like a piece of work! Dust her, sister, don't give her any more of your time or worry ((HUGS))

    Your dad sounds amazing! He must have been a great daddy to have 4 kids that all went to college :) And, you're amazing so the apple doesn't fall far from the tree xxxx

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  5. Your Father is like my Mother....they worked tirelessly to give us better lives and we are better people because of them :)

    Unfortunately, your MIL is intimidated by you and that is sad. Also, it appears that she needs to vie for your hubby's attention and will do so at any cost. Work on this with Larry and come to a place of common ground. When I read your post I had a hunch this might be the problem and I am sorry. Hold your stance on divorce honey, as people throw that word around frivilously these days. Kudo's to you for holding it sacred.

    God bless you Marie and may he hold you and Larry close. I pray for your MIL, as she needs a cleansing of heart and a slap up side the head as well!

    Much love

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  6. God bless sweet friend! I am proud of you for standing firm in your marriage. I will pray that God would give MIL a change of heart and allow her to see just what a gem of a DIL she has. Praying!

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  7. Marie, if you have had a chance to read my blog, you know that my MIL hurt me from the start. And I haven't finished writing about her yet. What hurt me the most was I LOVED her from the start with an unconditional love and she basically ignored our family over the years unless we went to see her, and she was nice while we were there. After we left, the ignoring started all over again. Anyway, I didn't mean to overshadow your heartache. I am truly sorry she has always treated you badly and she doesn't deserve to have a fine woman such as you for a DIL. I know you love Larry and I pray the counselor will help you and him so much.Your marriage was ordained by God and He wants to see you and Larry weather this storm. Sending love and prayers your way, dear Marie.

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  8. Sending you hugs. Sorry that you are going through this right now. I pray that the counseling helps you and hubby (and maybe even you MIL in some way).

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  9. Oh wow, honey. Good for you for taking control and standing up for yourself and your relationship. I pray this gets better for you and your husband. Thinking and praying for you always

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  10. (HUGS) The devil ALWAYS try to run interference. I will continue to uplift you and your husband in prayer. I know all to well this situation. Mine isn't just the MIL it is MIL and her family which equate "college education" with being "stuck up", or the famous line I hear, "you think you are better than us". Keeping you in prayers.

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  11. I am so happy to hear from you! Praying for this situation. It's unfortunate that MIL's can be this way.

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  12. I'm also happy for the update too and have been praying, praying, praying that that last post was not what I was what I was thinking...I will continue to pray as you see this counselor--that he/she will give you both wisdom and discernment and help those vows made to take life and supersede the interference from your MIL.

    I am so sorry there is such friction between the two of you--as his wife and his mother are both so very important to him...I just pray that Larry remembers, "And the two shall become one." It IS hard when our immediate family stakes claims to our hearts and loyalties, but just remember--God joined the two of you in a sacred covenant...I pray for strength in that covenant to grow!
    xoxo

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  13. It's good to hear from you, I will be praying for the situation with the MIL. I don't know why it always have to be so difficult. Big Hugs and prayers!

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  14. Oh, Marie, I'm so sorry that she's making things more difficult in your life - you don't deserve that, and neither does Larry. Hopefully an outside perspective will bring that into focus.

    Hugs.

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  15. im so sorry to hear you have to have ANYTHING else on your plate, and im glad to see you and your husband will be working together...marriage is work all on its own, and having to hhave outsiders adding to it does not help...we had a fall out w my inlaws last week, its in my sunday blog post but to make a long story short she called my daughter "isabella"...UMMMM her name is ALYSSA!! needless to say SHE IS OUT NOW TOO!!...my garden can not grow with all these weeds...repeat that and it will bring you peace as well....good luck and keep the faith, you will BOTH get through this together and learn what you both need...and from the outside its LESS STRESS!!

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  16. Marie, sweetie, I am so sorry for all the crap (pardon my language)! But, crap it is! You don't need it! :( I hope that you can discuss with someone and start to make some mends real soon! I shall be thinking and praying for you and your dh!

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  17. Glad to hear things are working out. Counseling is always a good thing. It's helpful to have someone walk through the problems with you. Hugs to both of you.

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  18. Praying for you and Larry as you go thru the counseling together. I believe too that divorce is not an option and I'm happy to see another person who stands the same way.

    I know I have told my DH before that he married me and not his mom. He left his mom and dad to be with me and I should come first before anyone else (aside from God).

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