My heart has been heavy lately. I am grieving for my sister and the loss of my niece or nephew. I am trying my best to support her and encourage her, but she does not want to hear it and I have no idea how to help her. I tried directing her to some support groups, blogs, and so on, and she refuses to even entertain the idea. I am at a loss for words and have no idea how else to help her. I know we all process loss differently and I am trying to help as best as I know how.
She did not attend my shower, but I expected that and let her know before hand that I would not be offended if she could not attend, because I have been there myself, where the thought of attending showers drove me into a fit of sweats. Well, she tried to come to the shower and had a breakdown in her parking lot. :-(. She refuses to be around me, and I know that the sight of my growing bump makes her relive those dark days. I understand, because I have been there. When we are together as a family and the talk turns to Spencer's upcoming arrival, she leaves the room. I have tried talking to my family to let them know to be sensitive, but their comments still hurt her. Again, I understand because I have been there.
I am afraid that she will not want to see Spencer or be in his presence because he may remind her of her loss. I am afraid that everytime she sees him, he will be a trigger. I am very sensitive to her grief, and I try my best to be there for her, but my being there will not take the hurt away.
I know she is happy for me, but I also know seeing me makes the process hard. I want her to be close to her nephew and not have the sight of him be a reminder of her loss.
I know of several BLM bloggers who have a sibling who is expecting, and though they are happy for them, they struggle being around their sibling and experience hurt by exposing their shattered hearts to the pregnancy.
For those of you who have had a sibling go through a pregnancy after your own loss, please help me. What would you have liked your sibling to do or not do around you? How would you have liked to be helped? How did you feel? Please help me. I love my sister - she was there holding my hand while delivering Alyssa-Joy and Evan - and I want to be there for her the best way I know how.
I am on the other side of the fence ---- it seems I can help others, but I cannot reach my own sister. :-(
Awaiting my expected end,