Thursday, February 10, 2011

27 Weeks


How many weeks: 27 weeks!

How am I feeling: optimistic?

Doctor’s Appointment: yesterday -passed my glucose test! Next appointment: 02/15 -cervical length check

Weight Gain: 6lbs

Maternity Clothes: all maternity

Baby Preparation: created our registry (yikes!)

Gender: Boy!!! Spencer Nathan W.

Sleep: Yup, but still can't find a comfy position at night

Best moment this week: telling my students (they squealed like kindergartners - up until now when they asked I would respond with "are you saying I'm fat?")

Movement: all the time. I don't think this child sleeps at all! I'm loving it!

Food cravings: Pizza and Wings

What I miss: not waddling when I walk

What I am looking forward to: Meeting the next milestones: 28 weeks (3 days away!) , 32 weeks, 35, weeks, and delivery (but not anytime soon!)

Milestones: my OB telling us to register at the hospital and to start interviewing pediatricians (I have no idea what to ask)


Awaiting my expected end,
Marie

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

No Greater Love

What Love Really Means

This month, Mattie had the brilliant idea of hosting 14 days of What Love Really Means. A few BLMs have written stirring posts that I encourage you to all check out. Not only are there daily posts, but giveaways as well! Please stop by and check her out. I guarantee you will not be disappointed. Mattie is the mother to one living child and two angels. You can read her story here.

In our lives (no matter how rough it may be), we all experience love at some point. Amidst the pain and heartache, instances of love have popped up in our lives whether its through a friend, other blms, family members or even total strangers.

Our Savior's Love
John 15:13 states that Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

There is no greater love than our father's love for us. Many times we question his love (I sure did!) when we experience loss after loss, heartache after heartache, and disappointments after disappointments. We ask ourselves; "why me?" "what did I do to deserve this?". Truthfully, there are no easy answers and I definitely have none to give you. We many never even know why good people suffer or why babies have to die, but I do know he loves us with an agape love. I know that when we hurt, he hurts. I know when we feel disappointed, he feels disappointment. I know that when we meet with roadblocks after roadblocks, he weeps with us. When Lazarus dies, Jesus wept. When he was being crucified, he asked for forgiveness for his accusers. Despite all the trials and tribulations we face, he loves us more than we will ever know and made the ultimate sacrifice for us. Someone asked me the question once, "would you give up your child to save others?". To which I responded, "HELL NO!" This is what our Savior did. He gave up his son that we may have life and have it more abundantly. There is no greater love than the love of our heavenly father.

A Mother's Love
"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."-- Agatha Chris

I have said this before, but a mother's love knows no limits, no boundaries, no ends. I never knew true unconditional love until I became a mother. Granted, I only knew them physically for a few minutes, but when I looked at my babies, I saw no deformities, no translucent skins, nothing that others would normally cringe at. I saw flawless beauty in both Alyssa-Joy and Evan. Others seem to shudder when they see me holding my "dead" babies, but I see love radiating amongst the sorrow of the moment. It does not matter how small they were or how underdeveloped they were, they were my babies and they were perfect in every way and I dare anyone to say otherwise. There is no greater love than a mother's love and I am sure those of you with living children and angel babies can attest to that fact. I will fight for the memory of my children and as short as I am, I can put up a hell of a fight!

A Spouse's Love
Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love. ~ by Erich Fromm ~

Marriage is not an easy feat. I will be the first to say that. However, when you find the right someone love is a beautiful thing. My husband and I have had our share of problems, but we remind ourselves that we took vows and ultimately love conquers all. God is the head of our lives and because we love him, we love each other more. Marriage is about communication, trust, keeping no secrets, holding no grudge. Marriage is about forgiveness and seeing the faults in yourself first. I chose to love my husband unconditionally after the my love for God. He sure does have his faults (!), but I look at his positive attributes and praise God for blessing me with a good man. I have a man who is a hard worker, who love and often talks about his kids, who goes out of his way to be a blessing to others, who loves me like Christ loves the church. Divorce is not an option for us (though I am not condemning those who go this route) therefore we make it a priority to communicate, show trust, and give love freely.
My love for my husband is greater than any other.

The Love of (for) Others (BLMS)
Love is the best medicine, and there is more than enough to go around once you open your heart. - Julie Marie
Love is going out of your way to show someone you care. We are all connected through loss, but the love we have for each other is remarkable! I often wonder what would do without the support of all of you. We love each other with a compassionate love. We share those we love with each other (our most prized possessions), share our intimate secrets with each other, and give support freely. This is an amazing love and there is no greater love than the love we blms have for each other.

All these speak of what love really means to me. Love has no limits, boundaries, ends. It is not based on what we can do for each other, it is not contingent on anything, it is limitless, supportive, understanding, tolerant despite each others beliefs. It is patient, kind, warm, pure, and without undue intention. Despite the circumstances of how we met, despite our everyday situations, we love each other and there is no greater love.

Awaiting my expected end,
Marie

Thursday, February 3, 2011

PTS?

I *think* I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress. This pregnancy is going well (thank heavens!), but I am still consumed daily with "what ifs?" I have a dull ache that in my left arm that shows up every time a negative thought enters my mind.
I am at the point where I am no longer worried about my cervix, but a new worry has entered my mind: premature labor. I almost hate putting it into the atmosphere. Even though I never suffered from PTL in past pregnancies, it is a worry that I have now. I do not want a premature baby. I want a full term baby and am willing to do whatever it takes to get Spencer to full term.

Don't get me wrong, I pray constantly and thank God for getting me this far and KNOW he will take us farther, but the nervousness is still there. Unfortunately, after speaking to a few more blms they tell me the nervousness never goes away, even after the little one comes. hmm........

I will be mentioning these feelings to my dr. at the next appointment and see what he thinks. For those of you who now have your rainbows, did these feeling or thoughts plague you at all? How did you handle it

Awaiting my expected end.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

14 Days of Love

What Love Really Means

I usually don't participate in events like this (other than the 25 days of giveaways), but this topic was simply too irresistible to pass up! This month
Mattie will be hosting for the next 14 days, 14 amazing women sharing what love really means to them! Please stop by and read some stirring posts from some awesome BLMs.

Awaiting my expected end.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

26 Weeks!!!




How many weeks: 26 weeks!

How am I feeling: dare I say excited!

Doctor’s Appointment: February 9th (GD test appointment)
Weight Gain: 6lbs - boo!

Maternity Clothes: all maternity

Baby Preparation: nothing major-according to Larry (if you call getting ready to redo our bathroom and bedroom nothing major)

Gender: Boy!!! Spencer Nathan W.

Sleep: Yup, but can't find a comfy position at night

Best moment this week: finally telling my co-workers

Movement: All the time. I don't think this child sleeps at all! I'm loving it!

Food cravings: Pub.lix Tuna Subs - which I can't have - double boo!

What I miss: Sleeping through the night without getting up to pee 3 or 4 times a night.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting the next milestones: 28 weeks, 32 weeks, 35, weeks, and delivery (but not anytime soon!)

Milestones: Getting to 26 weeks

Awaiting my expected end.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Breaking the News

So we told my family last week......................... lets just say it did not go so well. First up was telling my twin sister. After my class got out that night, I called her while driving on the I-75 (using an earpiece of course-safety first always). I knew she already knew because she had found my blog, but wanted to "officially" confirm the news and explain why I chose to not say anything. I knew there would be some hurt feeling, but I also walked away from the conversation extremely hurt. The comment that got to me? "Why didn't you just wait until after the baby was born to tell me?" Now this may seem like a simple comment to you, but it was how it was said that drove a knife through my heart. She expressed that she was happy for me, but that it would take her a while to get over it. Sadly, she has not spoken to me since and I am left wondering, how long will the silence last?

Next up were my father and step-mother. Again, they did not take it so well. Hubby and I sat there for an hour listening to how they were hurt (mostly my step-mom) and they cant believe that we "hid" it from them, and how they would never have forgiven us if something had happened and they were left in the dark. hey too, expressed happiness, but said it was "immature" of hubby to not force me to tell.
Are we the only ones that understand the logic or why we wanted to wait before saying anything?

Next up was my older sister. Who took it the same as everyone else. She also sated that she was hurt and that I should have at least told my dad and twin sister.

Last up was my grandmother. Oh the wisdom of the elderly! She explained why we should have said something, but that she understood. She stated that at the end of the day, whether or not we told my parents in the beginning or the end, they would still worry, and why would we not want the support regardless of the outcome? She reinforced the fact that they (father and step-mom) loved us both and only want what is best for us so we should never have left them in the dark.

Again, are we the only ones that understood the logic behind why we chose not to say a word? That nigh and the days following left me feeling crappy. Thank heavens for some good friends who encouraged me! Hubby finally said something to me that made sense. At the end of the day we made the decision that we felt was best.

So the experience of telling our families was not a good one, but friends took it extremely well. How sad is that? Friends took it better than family.
Oh well!

BTW-I noticed I lost a follower. I know hearing about subsequent pregnancies are hard and it is never my intention to hurt anyone. My only hope from this blog is to help others through my experience. To those who have stuck with me, thank you so much for all your support and understanding. If you are still waiting for your miracle, please know that I am praying constantly for you and hope to one day share your journey with you.

Awaiting my expected end.

Monday, January 24, 2011


How many weeks: 25 weeks!

How am I feeling: still nervous but optimistic

Doctor’s Appointment: regular OB appointment tomorrow

Weight Gain: 4lbs

Maternity Clothes: a combination.

Baby Preparation: bought 7 adorable outfits

Gender: Boy!!! Spencer Nathan W.

Sleep: Yup, but can't find a comfy position at night.

Best moment this week: feeling confident enough to start buying some outfits.

Movement: All the time. I don't think this child sleeps at all! I'm loving it!

Food cravings: homemade french fries. Y-U-M!

What I miss: Sleeping through the night without getting up to pee 3 or 4 times a night.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting the next milestones: 26 weeks, 28 weeks, 32 weeks, 35, weeks, and delivery (but not anytime soon!).

Milestones: Getting to 25 weeks